Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Let's All Make Some Poor Decisions

At first I Googled "14 year old girl," but then that seemed like
a
terrible idea, so here's a bunny with a pancake on his head.
So a trio of fourteen year old girls came into my store today and, among other things, asked for the sex books.

Slightly longer context: after a benign request, I turned to leave and they all shouted after me, one commanding the other to ask, her getting too embarrassed, and a third goading her, then eventually blurting it out while the others turned bright red and qualified the request as embarrassing so as to show they had some modesty and it was simply a request without casual, PG-rated adjectives.

Bullshit.

I've had hicks buy a Penthouse silently, and I've stared them straight in the eyes saying, "Oh, there's a really cool interview with Ariel Rebel in this issue. You'll like it." I've ordered a guide to cunnilingus for an overweight, balding, middle-aged gentleman too embarrassed to say a single part of the book's title, only phrasing it, "You have the man's version, but not the woman's."

Side note: Dude. You're old, fat, and balding. How did you ever expect to get a woman without being able to eat taco? That's all fat guys have going for them, the reputation for incredible finger blasting and an unsatable hunger for the two all-beef patties.

In any event, these girls were eager to see if there really was, as they'd been told, a book of nothing but sexual positions. Direct quote: "You gotta learn sometime." Dear lord….

Whatever. The first thing the one girl wanted to look at was a GED study guide, so we're already making plenty of lousy decisions, what's a Kama Sutra on top of that "Teen Mom"-bound pile of whoops?

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