Fifty Shades of Statutory

Kevin Smith said this regarding twelve year old Twilight fans back in 2009:

… In six years, they’ll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires."

I've tried to use this mental gymnastics routine to get through "Fifty Shades of Grey," but aging soccer mom's don't really do it for me, especially since 98% of them look nothing like the MILFs on television.

Well today worlds collided.

A couple nine year old girls came into my shop today, wearing a couple of those reddish-clear bouncy balls that flash lights when they bounce. Wearing them around their necks. On stretchy elastic chokers.

…

They were wearing ball gags. There isn't any other word for kiddie ball gags. They were ball gags.

I may be okay with that in about nine more years, when I'm a skeevy old guy and these girls are 18 and into light BDSM play and think that's normal, but for the next ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THEIR CURRENT AGE I'm going to vomit a little in my mouth.