Even Discover Card Thinks Discover Card Sucks

I got some mail today.

Barring a few % signs and offers on the back, this is what I got. Inside, it offered me incentives.

Who were these nice people?

Still no clues as to who this company is. Is it some Jesus thing? Religious flyer points? Where is all the brandvertising?

Ah. I see. So even you folks aren't too proud of your reputation. Maybe you thought you could entice me with a great offer and then only reveal your true nature after I accept my interest, like a Pepsi Challenge taste test.

Or like The Devil.

The Discover Card: For Hipsters Only?

I know two things about the Discover Card:

1. My grandma had one back in the early '90s, and
   
2. Everyone jokes about how no one takes Discover.

The shop I worked at just started taking Discover cards. Every place I worked before that accepted Discover, but they were major chains, for the most part, and frankly it only ever came up once of twice. I just signed up for Square and their cool iPhone card reader thingy, and not I accept Discover Card. I accept Discover card.

Family Guy doesn't accept Discover Card. Peter forcibly mocked a man and said he would rather accept payment with bartered chickens than a "fly-by-night credit card." I'm not sure I've ever even seen a Discover commercial, so I'm going to make a ballpark here and say a solid 95% of everything I've ever heard about Discover is a joke about how no one takes them. I'm starting to wonder if Discover doesn't even make commercials, because they know people are already completely aware that they exist.

What does it take to take Discover? Like 5¢ on the dollar per transaction. They probably have 100% market awareness, so all they pay for is sticking that little logo on cash register stickers. Everyone's probably so shocked that a place accepts Discover now, that they figure they might as well use it if they have it. But are they embarrassed? Who really has a Discover Card?

Hipsters.

Hipsters carry Discover Cards ironically.

So when I beat them up and swipe $500 to my phone now, it'll be facetiously.