Sunday, September 5, 2010

On State Farm Insurance

So State Farm Insurance has this commercial series where they claim their jingle "magically" pops an insurance agent to your location to help you out. However, they also intimate that amending any other wish to the jingle, at least until the end of the sentence, will also cause this addition to appear.

In one it's a hot tub and the cute girl from the apartment down the hall. In this one it's a series of interchangeable "hot guy" types:

Is it bad that my first thought here is, "I want to bang that strung out violent coke whore" best friend?

I mean I guess "I want to bang [that one on the right]" is the first thought, while, "Wow, look at that banged-out coke whore dressed for the Cristal Room at 3 in the afternoon walkin' around with her hippie friend and the normal girl, I bet she has daddy issues," are thoughts two and then quickly three, in order. Four would probably be, "Well, that's not healthy, is it?"

Now, the question becomes "why do I care?" I don't think I do. If anything, I'm for any possible world in which I can have completely chauvinistic, sweaty sex with some broad who looks like a strung out Eliza Dushku. I consider myself, at least 'literarily,' a feminist and I'm not even ashamed at that. Eliza Dushku is so far out of my league we're not even playing the same sport. It's not even like I'm playing pro-ball in Japan. She's like Olympic class biathlon. Completely different creatures, here.

Putting aside for a moment my own neurotic tastes for the emotionally unstable hot girls, I'm really just wondering if a casting agent looked at the girl they picked for The Customer and said, "Alright, gimme, like, some vegan hippie-chique chick to one side and, like, a really slutted-up cokehead to the other. Like someone who would never be friends with the other two. I mean really whored-out. I want her to look like her breath still smells of Friday night semen at Sunday brunch. I want to see brunette Ke$ha-level skankiness on this one, alright, people?"

But on the up-side, every time I see this commercial I get to look forward to thinking all of this, which inevitably leads back to a solid five minutes where I nerd out in my head and start pitting Dushku's Dollhouse persona against Jessica Alba's Dark Angel. Now there's a slash-fic I can get behind. Nerd out.

You might remember (read: "won't") Angela Sarafyan from her small role in the seventh season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where her boyfriend owned a family heirloom letterman jacket that magically made every woman love him. Clearly, Angela stole it and made it into a halter top, because she had a pretty good following on The Good Guys.

*Edit: So … what did you type into Google that led you here? This page is getting extra hits and I'm just wondering if someone's passing it around the advertising department or something. Like what happened with the astrophysics jokes.

Edit 12.12.2010: This is kind of awesome. A very nice commenter mentioned Google Images as the way so many people find this. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what keywords got people looking for this chick from "The Good Guys" to my blog. Turns out if you do an Image search I'm in the first row of hits. This is fairly incredible. Thank you for reading, and for your help, commenters!


  1. Angela Sarafyans is what I typed in Google- saw her in Good Guys and wondered where I had seen her before. Now I know... thanks. She is hot, but on the Good Guys she is nerd hot. You might watch and adjust your imaginings.

  2. typed in state farm commercial girl cuz i too have an undeniable urge of thought to have at that strung out lookin friend,

  3. Angela Sarafyan: I'm not really into the strung-out-ness, but she *is* nerd-cute on GG--I just couldn't remember where I had seen her

  4. I typed in "Angela Sarafyan" (after seeing her in "Good guys" and IMDB'ing her name) and hit the space bar(accidentally, as i often do) after that and the first option was "state farm." Clicked that and saw the picture you have at the top. On mouse-over, i saw that it said "offensive state farm commercial" and clicked, hoping to be entertained by a rant about how the girls kept asking for "Hot guys" and kept getting abercrombe "Douche-dolls" when a clearly sophisticated black man was standing right there... Ah well... I love her gigantic eastern-European eyes, and i volunteer to give her the "Friday night semen smell" for her Sunday brunch.

  5. i googled alsion brie and found the first webisode of "Hot Sluts" (never heard of it before today).. a few minutes in she's introduced to a waitress with big awesome tits who i immediately recognized as "the fine-ass skinny chick from the state farm commercial".. i thought the same thing as you when i first saw that commercial.. i would bang her til the cows come home..

  6. I typed in "state farm commercial looks like eliza dushku". heh. well, she does... i was wondering if they were sisters or something.

  7. LOVE THIS! And I do remember her from Buffy- I'm just too in love with all things Joss Whedon. Have the whole series on DVD, never get sick of it. On a side note- if you haven't watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, it needs to be remedied... and fast.


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