Sunday, March 10, 2013

If I Could Bottle My Subconscious, I Would Sell It Like a Drug Dealer

I dreamnt of a new Presidential race, between John McCain and someone named "Kitth Ped" (Pronounced "Kit"). He was a rising star of a politician, a true polymath, an utter genius. Also, he was twelve years old and British, explaining the funny spelling.

He was also unquestioningly evil. He had a penchant for poisoning his enemies. Though no one could ever prove such a thing, it was common knowledge amongst at least whatever crowd I was a part of in this scenario.

His downfall came when he "killed" a chav dummy. By dummy I mean mannequin, and by killed I mean "partially decapitated with a clean sectioning off on the top of the cranium to expose and bisect the upper brain." By chav, I mean an under-aged English slut partial to the following mode of dress:



Only less intelligent. That girl has an intelligence in her eyes commiserate with someone who has succeeded in earning a living through porn and manages her assets well. Bring her down to "I'm 16 and maybe if I'm slutty enough someone will give me money," and you'll have an idea of the internet-culture exhibitionist trollips this kid was intent to murder for sport.

And we caught him on camera. Not enough to put him in jail, but enough to ruin his reputation beyond any amount of spin-control. He was done.

Yet what bothered me was that in his attempts to turn the campaign towards inane and ineffectual issues, this Master Ped orchestrated mass debates and social politics out of one's stance on minutiae of the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Every candidate was cosplaying and fighting over artistic intent and backstory, and retconning '80s and '90s secondary materials with the prequel trilogy.

And god dammit, McCain gave a huge speech and I loved every minute of the race, except all the hatred I was expected to spew whenever a ballot name misinterpreted a history or couldn't pronounce a name quite right. I'm a nerd, yeah, but my love for Star Wars isn't dependent on everybody else not getting it like I do.

More importantly, it seems like it's neither dependent on waking reality or the ability to process real life in a meaningful or sensical way. This natural state of my brain is again the reason I feel no need to partake of drugs.



Kitth Ped - Brit rising child politician poisons dresses as dr. Kills chav dummy

Star Wars minutiae in race. Everyone codplsys, fights over "issues." McCain speech. Secretly love but also hate all the screw ups.

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