On the Super Bowl

Most of my thoughts on the Super Bowl revolved around a terrible halftime show, even as far as halftime shows go. Since my state wasn't in it none of my friends were stoked (except my cousin's husband who is from the South and is a huge Steelers fan). And since none of my friends were very interested in the game this year, I didn't go out to see it, didn't bet money on it and thus didn't understand football for the all of 3 hours my brain will allow me for the sake of properly betting on the outcome.

The one thought I did have after it all, though? I'm terrified that this viking guy lost.

He just looked so happy before the Packers won. I've seen viking movies. I don't want to see him angry. I'd normally make a "raping and pillaging" joke, but Ben Roethlisberger really ruined that for me.

The Drunk Bowl

War writ small, the manliest sport ever. NOW JAZZ HANDS!


I had an idea the other day.

It's one of those ideas that sounds terrible, but if done on the grandest of scales would be undeniably watchable.

I think as a run-up to, or season's end after the Super Bowl or the Rose Bowl or Pro Bowl or whatever other bowls the NFL has to offer, their should be a Drunk Bowl.

Now, hear me out. This wouldn't be a game of motley hobos playing like a slowed-down version of the XFL. Nor would it be some annoying drunk olympics, though we have enough of those each year that we might as well televise one and set some basic events. No, what I want to see is is two teams of talented, professional football players engaging in a competitive game in which every player is legally drunk.

Forget Gatorade, I want to see both sidelines stocked with multiple kegs. I want cheerleaders playing Flip Cup. I want the halftime show to include all the players eating chicken wings and watching a different football game on the Jumbo-Tron.

I doubt any current players would sign off on such a hazardous and potentially career-ending event as drunken pro ball, but I'm sure there are enough washed-up third-stringers and sad retirees willingly to destroy their knees for one last chance at the kind of fat paycheck Rogain and "Tough Actin'" Tanactin just can't offer them.