On Girl Scouts

I don't know if this is an accurate
costume and I really don't care.
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An unexpected knock on the door today required me to put pants on. Good thing, too; it was a couple of very small girl scouts. I bought a couple boxes of cookies.

They were really cute little girls. One was completely distracted by the cat in our downstairs neighbor's window. Part of my wanted to reopen the front door and let them meet our cat, but two things stopped me:

1. He would eat their faces off and piss in the wounds, so best I keep them away from such a black cat and focused on the cute, nice white one, and

2. It's pretty sketchy to invite two seven-year old girl scouts inside to pet your kitty, especially when you're only wearing sweatpants and a dark hoody and haven't shaved in two days.…and their dad is really big, standing behind them.

On Time

I'm sitting here eating a box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies and it occurs to me that the little girl on the packaging is only moderately adorable.

She's got a mouth full of baby teeth and eyes that have yet to be completely crushed under the weight of the world's expectations. I mean she's being crushed under the weight of the world's expectations, but it's an ongoing process. She's only recently accepted that "boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls." She doesn't really understand why, but she knows it by rote. Still, she feels something like elation she can't quite understand when they ask her to wear a burned-out helmet and pretend she's a firefighter.

Then it occurs to me that this picture is probably really old. Based on the girl's little turtleneck and the look of everyone giggling and crowding around a gushing fire hose on the package's reverse, I'm guessing it's at least five years old, perhaps as much as ten.

Which is really weird, because it means that cute little girl could be a sexy, entirely legal coed by now. (Though, as a girl scout and judging by bone structure she's more likely reasonably attractive with an okay face.) This is a disturbing possibility. She's probably pretty cute, with a wildly narrow-minded Type A personality, resulting from her yuppie parents pushing her into overly structured, backwards social interactions at an early age.

Anyway, Samoas are delicious and this will not ruin a good cookie for me. It's the same as I've been saying for years about Dave Thomas' adopted daughter Wendy: somewhere out there there's a seventy-five year old man who, every time his children drive him past the fast food franchise, says, "Wendy? Yeah, I hit that."