Showing posts with label catholic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label catholic. Show all posts
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Amazing Spider-Man | Is Peter Parker Autistic?
Though it's not exactly timely, a though occurred to me in the car yesterday that finally put the latest installment in Sony's Spider-Man franchise, starring Andrew Garfield.
I had read that Andrew closely modeled his posture and behavior on actual arachnids, to give Peter Parker a more alien, more alien vibe. He achieves this with great affect. Post-mutation, Peter Parker is a strange, cocky little fellow who moves like something a little more or a little less than human.
Before that bite, however, Peter is sort of … well, spectrum-y1.
Peter is emotionally closed off at school, very reactive, not all that talkative, despite for all purposes appearing geek-chique handsome, sporting stylish hoodies and military jackets, and possessing cool interests: skateboarding, photography with a $3,000 camera. It is out of his character to stand up for a bullied little person, or to speak up in class. He is dumbfounded at being engaged by a pretty girl. (Granted, it's a skinnier-than-usual, blonde version of Emma Stone, dressed like a naughty schoolgirl, but still.) The point is Peter Parker seems to be someone with abandonment issues who doesn't understand how other people work outside his close-knit family unit. He has no trouble lying to his aunt or placating authority figures, but he will do his own thing quietly and resent dealing with the "normal" outgoing jock-types, who also appear to be enormous, dickish bullies
No, this isn't much more atypical than your average high school loner, but it's a new spin on Peter Parker. Traditionally, Peter has been the Nerd, the skinny boy who was transformed overnight into a disproportionately strong, super-sensing super-man. He was a nerd, a geek, a loser. He had few friends, sure, but predominantly he was a boy-genius with little aptitude for girls, sports, or alpha-male behavior. He was the first 40 minutes of Revenge of the Nerds.
So why not play the same? I mean, yes, you're trying to reboot a franchise that only finished a few years previous, but is it a necessary change? The two easiest ways to bork up a reboot is to follow the source material too closely or not closely enough. Peter has always been a nerd. Tobey McGuire nailed that. Why change canon law?
Because nerds rule your computer right now, and your computer rules your life. The audience knows that. Half the audience of a Spider-Man movie is that nerd. However it has nothing to do with alienating your target demographic:
The only way for Peter Parker to be a social outcast in a world full of increasingly common nerdiness is to make him more socially stunted, and that means withdrawn to the point of emotional underdevelopment.
Gwen Stacy is a genius in her own right. She is strong-willed and empowered. Flash Thompson may be an alpha-douche, but he damn-well knows how to sext a girl, browse Facebook, and follow Dita von Tease via Twitter. All Peter's classmates, and probably a few faculty members are all over the Internet and integrated with their PCs. That interest in science that made Peter an outcast for much of the character's history is just part-and-parcel for the average teen now.
The only way to alienate Peter from his peers is to remove him from the social networks. He can't understand them. He can mirror them, utilize them, but he can't be allowed to understand the intricacies by which they function. He can school Flash on the basketball courts, but he has to be punished for it the way Flash never could be. Peter has to be physically incapable of joining up with the status quo of high school culture.
Peter has to be a little spectrum-y to be who he always has been but no longer can be.
1 We used to say "Aspergers-y, but now we have to use "Autism Spectrum Disorder-y" THANK YOU VERY MUCH DSM-V.
2 Actually, one bully. Flash Thompson. This school has about 6 people with speaking rolls.
3 I promise you he's really a nice guy once he realizes in college he was a douche, especially after joining the military and losing both his legs overseas.
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Saturday, January 12, 2013
Etch-A-Pope! | The Most Blasphemous Game Since Civilization
The Pope has a book out about the Infancy Gospels of Jesus, or rather his take on the infancy, less the apocryphal texts and the Council of Nicea muddying the waters. This is the back jacket of that book:
To amuse a coworker, I placed the book in front of my face and jostled it as I quoted Return of the Jedi:
Interestingly, since "Ratskeller" is the name of at east one dive bar in every college town, literally German for "rat cellar," it stands to reason that the German Pope's name means "one who [zing]s rats." I'm not sure exactly what German verb "zing" would be the root of, however. Cursory research reveals only that Ratzinger is Bavarian for "one from Ratzing," and there is a Southern Bavarian town called Ratzing. So, basically, the Pope is named "One from the place where rats and Zinged."
Anyway.
Somehow we also determined that the pope would need a new face to match his crazy voices, but since I couldn't come up with just one to waste my time on, I created this:
It's Etch-A-Pope!
Mix and match your favorite pope pieces, or create brand new ones using only a pen and the parts of a Post-It note closest to the sticky strip!
We have Cat Pope!
W. C. Fields Pope!
Derpy-Pope!
Terminator Pope! (Alternately "Robot Baboon Al Gore Pope" maybe?)
Emperor Palpipope!
Extra-Derpy-Pope! (Alternately "Hillbilly Pope" or "Pope Cletus.")
To amuse a coworker, I placed the book in front of my face and jostled it as I quoted Return of the Jedi:
Good! Good! Now, strike me down with all of your hatred, and your journey towards the Dark Side shall be complete!"Apparently, she always imagine Pope Benedict had a squeaky rat voice, which makes sense considering his name was Ratzinger.
Interestingly, since "Ratskeller" is the name of at east one dive bar in every college town, literally German for "rat cellar," it stands to reason that the German Pope's name means "one who [zing]s rats." I'm not sure exactly what German verb "zing" would be the root of, however. Cursory research reveals only that Ratzinger is Bavarian for "one from Ratzing," and there is a Southern Bavarian town called Ratzing. So, basically, the Pope is named "One from the place where rats and Zinged."
Anyway.
Somehow we also determined that the pope would need a new face to match his crazy voices, but since I couldn't come up with just one to waste my time on, I created this:
It's Etch-A-Pope!
Mix and match your favorite pope pieces, or create brand new ones using only a pen and the parts of a Post-It note closest to the sticky strip!
We have Cat Pope!
W. C. Fields Pope!
Derpy-Pope!
Terminator Pope! (Alternately "Robot Baboon Al Gore Pope" maybe?)
Emperor Palpipope!
Extra-Derpy-Pope! (Alternately "Hillbilly Pope" or "Pope Cletus.")
And PinochiPope! The Pope who always lies!
| (Better known as "Regular Pope.") Oh snap. |
Monday, July 23, 2012
On Catholicism
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| I miss this pope. He looked like Dude Mother Teressa. New Pope looks like Emperor Palpatine. Enjoy Pope Classic responsibly. |
"Catholic" comes from the Greek καθολικός meaning "universal," from contraction of the phrase κατά όλος, "regarding the whole."
καθίεμαι, meanwhile meant "to sit." καθίεμαι became καθετήρ, explaining from whence we get "catheter."
You will notice both words contain the root "kath-." Or perhaps the difference is "kat(h)a" versus "katie," I'm not actually an etymologist. The point is, I'm starting to understand.
Worshiping the pope is as painful an experience as shoving a rubber tube up your dick.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Things the Pope Could Criticize OTHER Than the U.S.'s Cuba Embargo
- Sexual abuse of children

"My hand isn't touching Jesus' junk, right?
I hate it when my hand touches His junk."
- Repression of women
- Hoarding of vast wealth, art and scholarly works deemed unsupportive of an organization's specific agenda.
- Revisionist histories painting oneself in a positive light, despite the exact opposite having been the case.
- … I don't know, the Hitler Youth?
- The international haberdasher monopoly
Friday, August 19, 2011
On Patience
Yesterday, at my new job I answered the phone for a nun and looked up a her order. I had to put her on hold while I went rummaging repeatedly and finally asked for help.
Turns out they had input the client name backwards so while I was looking for one name, the product was tiny, hidden behind a stack of huge products, and listed under the other name.
By the time I had the package in-hand, she'd hung up. I made a nun hang up. I called back, and I had to go through the seminary automated directory, then a monk operating a switchboard, then another nun, then finally the right nun. Direct quote: "I ran out of patience."
Guys, I made a nun run out of patience. A nun. Pretty sure they're trained for infinite patience.
Also pretty sure they're trained in the use of Catholic guilt.
Too bad she didn't know she got the one Jewish person on help-desk. Bitch, we invented that game.
Turns out they had input the client name backwards so while I was looking for one name, the product was tiny, hidden behind a stack of huge products, and listed under the other name.
By the time I had the package in-hand, she'd hung up. I made a nun hang up. I called back, and I had to go through the seminary automated directory, then a monk operating a switchboard, then another nun, then finally the right nun. Direct quote: "I ran out of patience."
Guys, I made a nun run out of patience. A nun. Pretty sure they're trained for infinite patience.
Also pretty sure they're trained in the use of Catholic guilt.
Too bad she didn't know she got the one Jewish person on help-desk. Bitch, we invented that game.
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