On Catholicism

I miss this pope. He looked like Dude Mother Teressa.
New Pope looks like Emperor Palpatine.
Enjoy Pope Classic responsibly.

English is a dangerous language. We steal words from just about everyone, ever since that whole Norman Invasion thing and the bit where English was a dead language for a long time. Yet that's a digression. The point is, we steal words constantly, and sometimes we steal two words that sound close to each other and don't mean anything remotely similar. Case in point:

"Catholic" comes from the Greek καθολικός meaning "universal," from contraction of the phrase κατά όλος, "regarding the whole." 

καθίεμαι, meanwhile meant "to sit." καθίεμαι became καθετήρ, explaining from whence we get "catheter."

You will notice both words contain the root "kath-." Or perhaps the difference is "kat(h)a" versus "katie," I'm not actually an etymologist. The point is, I'm starting to understand.

Worshiping the pope is as painful an experience as shoving a rubber tube up your dick.

On The Gark

"Yeah, mah nigga, it's all abouts the chedder biscuits."

For whatever reason, our father took to calling my little brother "The Gark." He claims it was, "Because you were going to be a football player." I can understand this. "Gark" certainly is a large, lumbering sound. Still, William "The Refrigerator" Perry it ain't. So what the hell is a gark?

A simple Google search for "The Gark" returns a top result for the "G.A.R.K. , The Greater Alabama Rottweiler Klub." I don't know about you, but I'm wary of joining any organization based out of Atlanta that has a penchant for Rottweilers and extraneous use of the letter K.

Perhaps Ye Olde Urban Dictionary might help us out:

"Gark³ - An onomatopoeia meant to represent the noise a female (or perhaps a male) makes during the act of fellatio and takes in more than they can handle."

Usage examples include:

"Male: 'Baby if you keep sucking me like that I'm gonna take you to Red Lobster for cheddar biscuits'
"Female: *GARK GARK GARK GARK*"

The first two definitions claim gark is a filler word and inherently meaningless. I choose to believe the truth that is more interesting.