Truck Nutz are a Gendered Commodity

I've combed the internet, and aside from a few other bloggers making the same point I'm about to make, there is an astounding lack of Truck Nutz™ products geared towards women. Not little pink Nutz, I'm pretty sure those exist with very little effort.

No, I'm talking about Truck Labia™^© for hard-hitting Hemi Heads who just also happen to possess mammary glands.

It wouldn't be very hard. Instead of balls on an O-ring hanging off the trailer hitch knob, just remove the top and pin, then shove a Fleshlite up the square piping. Done deal.

Of course, this could potentially ruin a few relationships by bringing new meaning to the phrase, "Sometimes I think you love that truck more than you love me."

Gay marriage? Yeah, still totally a sin. But fucking your Dodge Ram Turbo? Everything's cool so long as you don't try to stick it up her tailpipe.

Gender Equality in Pseudo-Cyber-Warfare

If I may use the parlance of the communities in question:

NO FUCKING SHIT, BBC.

Do you know why women are verbally abused and sexually harassed while gaming online? It's because men are verbally abused and sexually harassed while gaming online. Or during high school sporting matches. Cheerleader? "Kill the other team" and all that jazz? It's to get in your opponents heads and hurt them emotionally. You're trying to crush their spirit. It's Tokyo Rose and antisemitic leaflets dropped over the Ardennes. Break the fighting spirit and you break the army.

Ladies, please, play the online games. We love "gamer grrlz," because they are essentially men wrapped in sexy, sexy lady parts. They'll not only get our CoD references, they'll laugh at them and then call in a nuclear strike on our wing-wangs. We're okay with this.

But, Jesus, get with the program. They let you into the army. This is the same emotional toll. No one's going to baby you when you get called an "Ass-faced sperm-dumpniggerfaggotkikespic" by an eleven year-old with ADHD who took the day off from gym class to eat Cheetos and play Modern Warfare in bed all morning.

We've all been there.

His name is Chris and we've all agreed to kick his ass when he turns 17. Just deal with it and sign your RSVP card to The Gathering.