Twist Magazine: "Have sex with tween idols. It's cool."

Found one of these at work the other day, restocking the newsstand.

Twist magazine seems to be one of those mags that gives out free stuff with their issues in place of running articles that are anything but rehashed fluff pieces.

For the record, those are plastic rainbow bracelets that cost about 5¢ per dozen, commonly referred to by the mainstream media as "Sex Bracelets," due to the notion that if a member of the opposite gender snaps off one of yours, you are then obligated to perform on them a sex act corresponding to the color of the bracelet, and by real children as "Fuck Bracelets," in that it is a dirty word and is funny and there's no better name but "those little plastic bracelets," never actually holding to any sexual responsibility.

I'm just insulted at

1. The assertion that "EVERYBODY LOVES BRACELETS." Yeah, sure. Everybody's doing it so you better jump on board. Off a bridge. At least Selina Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens love them. And since we're drawing attention to Selina's child-like head, recently post-pubescent body and apparently just Hudgens' rack–which we've all seen already online–we clearly know what sells and what people are talking about.

2. They call these "bracelets."

Can You Make a 'Human Centipede' from Mermaids?

I'm starting to think you can. I don't really know what this piece of wooden folk art was supposed to be, but it just became a grisly reminder of a grotesque movie.

Hey, is a movie's "grotesque" the way a the movie "The Fly" is Kafka-esque? Does that mean these mermaids are 'in a condition similar to the act of being like grote?'

Aw- Alright. Yes. Yes. those mermaids are certainly grote. If anything ever was, passing the same fishing line through a half-dozen mer-folk as you catch them in sequence certainly qualifies.

If you'll pardon me, I think I'm going to go grote up dinner now. Thank you.