On Justin Bieber and Fruit Loops

One day, Canada is going to look back on history and apologize for Justin Bieber.
Just like they did with Bryan Adams.






Fruit Loops taste uncomfortably similar to crunchy cardboard that has been shellacked with citric acid and painted with melted sugar, and though I know this, I could still very happily eat an entire box. Whoever first thought of making tiny, edible Play-Doh donuts was a mad, mad genius.


 

Ben & Jerry's Will Never Make a Hitler Ice Cream

The idea came up maybe a week or so ago of creating a Hitler-centric ice cream flavor for Ben & Jerry's.

This is terrible. Awful. Unconscionable. And frankly unmarketable.

Now moving on, what flavor would it be? As a base, it would have to be pure vanilla bean, but without those little flakes of actual vanilla bean in it. Frozen yogurt, then. It would also have caramel and chunks of blondie batter swirled in, with blueberries. Honestly, it's those blue eyes that ruin the idea. Up until that, Hitler's Blaster Case Frozen Yogurt sounds mightily consumable. It would even go well with Mussolini Mint and Cookie Hirohit-Dough.

The trick is, though, you can never have it with multi-colored sprinkles.