'Limbo' as Divorce for Antebellum American Slaves | at Little Known History!

Directly resulting from this song, I have decided to popularize an utter falsehood.


Limbo was originally a means for Southern American slaves to 'divorce' other slaves, in anticipation of families being split by sale to whites.

Marriage between slaves being illegal, black couples would "jump the broom," to cement their tie within the slave community, though white slave owners held no regard for this. Discovery of couples having performed the ceremony resulted in public discipline of the couple, sometimes including forcing the

bride and groom to pass repeatedly beneath a raised broomstick, in a contrary manner as to make no question of the dissolution of their union. Often this cane would be lowered, and the [slaves] forced to bend painfully backward to accommodate the broom handle.… Should either bride or groom for to the ground, the entire process was repeated, most commonly followed with a beating commiserate with the number of times each negro was felled.

Though gradually the violence of this display was dissipated by cultural osmosis and abolitionist movements, the essence of the practice of limbo survived through dances of slave descendents of the island of Trinidad, and was mainstreamed into white culture.

What I Learned from the Local Lincoln Society

"Be excellent to each other."

• When celebrating the abolitionist qualities of someone, it is best to have more than two-and-a-half black people in your society.

• Yes, it's pretty much rich white people celebrating each other for actually giving a little bit back to the community in some way. Usually by thanking the one rich white guy who actually did that in any meaningful way.

• No one under the age of 40 actually joins these things, they only get dragged along as family or interns.

•  There are still those among us who would strive to ensure that we never truly forget how people remembered things in the past, even if it means genuinely ignoring the present.

•  Even a lesbian reverend sounds too churchy reading from a soldier's prayer book.

• It's really sad when aging Lincoln impersonators get too old and you have to call an actor to come and put them down.

Lower-Upper-Middle Class White People Problems

Tonight I rushed out of work after staying late and getting paid for it, and stuffed a whole bunch of fast food into my mouth just to make it to the local bar's Trivia Night on time, only to find out the guy who runs it was sent home for being a little sick.

Now I'm genuinely depressed, moping into a $5 pint of something awful that wasn't what I ordered, of which I decided to give half away so I could leave early and let my friends go get giant hot sandwiches at midnight.

If I may quote Meghan from work, "I completely acknowledge that all my problems are white people problems."

Well, except sickle cell anemia.

'Hot Minute' Not Actually Equal to 60 Seconds?

This is awesome. ^©Michael Balasis.

"You know who I haven't seen in a minute?"

My guess is anyone who left this room more than 60 seconds ago, but I'd also surmise that's a wrong guess.

Apparently a "minute" is no longer a minute, but rather an incredibly long time. What?

I mean I know a "New York minute" is supposedly faster than a regular minute, the same as a decimal minute was longer. And I gather a "hot minute" must be something of kin, more than a regular minute in some fashion, as I have the vague understanding that a "hot mess" and a "hot tranny mess" are somehow messier (and possibly less heteronormative) than your typical mess.

Still, it's like people who use "literally" in place of "figuratively," or–as I used to champion–"couple" as a synonym for "few" not necessitating precisely two of anything. The word is being used for something decidedly opposite its actual meaning. A minute I can count in my head. I can look at a watch if I need to. But a MINUTE, well, that'd be more accurately measured by a calendar.

Call a girl phat and watch her bounce on your junk. Tell her she's looking mad stupid ill, fresh, and all kinds of tight up in here. What you're really saying is she's "sexy," "smartly dressed," and "provocative, possibly with a loose vagina." It's all opposites.

I'm not against this, I'm just against white kids using this kind of language since they tend to, you know, enunciate the emphasis out of all the cool slang. "What is up, my negro? Have you heard about Jamal and Taniqua? That bitch be all up in his business like he owes her something, just because he is her baby's daddy. Strumpets, man, they be tripping."

On the Can Jam

Have you heard of beer pong?

Of course you have. In fact, you may even be the kind of asshole to point out that what most everybody calls "beer pong" is in fact a game called "Beirut." If you are this kind of asshole, please kindly fuck off.

Now that those assholes are gone, I've got a new game for the rest of you.

Have you ever thought to yourselves, "Man, I wish there a way to make this game even more white trash than it is already!" Sure you have. You've thought that every time you look down into your Bud Light and realize your throwing dollar store balls into gas station Solo cups.

Well, have I got a game for you!

"Can Jam" combines the simple premise of beer pong–toss a ball into a cup–with that favorite suburban pastime, ultimate frisbee. Add some beer and subtract the need for running and sweating and you have Can Jam.

Yes, in this game you stand fifty feet apart and try to toss a frisbee into trash cans. Oh, but here's the fun: each two-man team stands at opposite cans. A single point is for tapping the disc your teammate thrown and hitting the garbage can. Two points are awarded for the disc hitting the can directly and three for knocking the frisbee into the can. (Landing it in the can on your own is an automatic win.) Games are played to 21 points, with redemption giving the losing team a single turn to catch up. Overtime is played at +3 point intervals.

Yes, this is truly a White Trash game of champions, standing, usually shirtless, in hot, humid weather in front of not one but two garbage cans. Oh yes, and you're drinking. Drinking, throwing things at garbage cans.

Honestly, you wouldn't think we'd have a hundred dollar bet riding on this game after only knowing about it for three days but, hey, we're proactive.

On Diversity

No, this isn't awkward at all. Why do you ask?



I realized today that I don't really have any black friends.

I used to have a black friend but I haven't talked to her in a while.

Which kind of sucks because she was also my lesbian friend. It was very convenient.

Before my close circle of friends included a woman, a gay and a minority. Now we're just a bunch of overweight white guys who like drinking and using the word "nigga" ironically.

Which come to think of it is probably fairly awful now that we don't have black person sitting with us anymore.

Lando Calrissian: Space Pimp