Jay Leno Facts

To commemorate the final episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien while I'm out finally seeing "Avatar" I bring you this thing, all spun out of control after Chris tweeted, "When Jay Leno isn't wearing a suit he wears a denim shirt … please explain why this man is appealing…." Thanks, Chris.

• When Jay Leno is not hosting The Tonight Show, he is hosting The Tonight Show.
  
  
• When Jay Leno is not physically in New York, his chin still is.
  
  
• When Jay Leno isn't beating Conan in the ratings, he is beating a dead horse to death.
  
  
• When Jay Leno isn't stepping all over a punchline, he's walking all over Johnny Carson's grave.
  
  
• When Jay Leno isn't gobbling NBC knob, that's what Kevin Eubanks is for.
  
  
• When Jay Leno is gobbling NBC knob, Kevin Eubanks is tickling the balls.
  
  
• When Jay Leno is reading this, he is a very nice man who was put in a terrible position by a network that sacrifices forethought and loyalty for short-term profitability.
  

On NBC

To be perfectly honest, I'm really not sure what NBC is up to right now.

In theory their goal is to get more people watching their shows, which to be perfectly honest is exactly what everyone getting mad at this Leno/Conan thing has done. People supporting Conan are tuning in in larger numbers to get his ratings up, while others are watching Leno to see if he's really as awful as everyone is assuming. (He's not.)

All-in-all this could have been a great marketing ploy if it had been done on purpose, but it's not.

For one thing, I think even network television is now more concerned with selling their brand than selling their shows. The product is secondary to the name.

For another thing, I can't see any way for the NBC name to come out of this not looking like a fistfull of assholes.

On Team Conan

Here's a picture of Conan the Barbarian with Conan O'Brien Hair and a cool sword. Feel free to use it anywhere you want to show your support of O'Brien/Crom or hatred for NBC. Either/or. A thumbnail version follows this post. (They have a secret watermark somewhere so I can recognize it! Cool!)


Now I've never been one to watch Leno, Letterman or Conan, and I rightfully think Jimmy Fallon is just the worst anything since ever. Jimmy Fallon is the Twilight of late night television.

Anyway, the point is I'm a fairly objective opinion for this whole NBC debacle.

So Point 1: There is heavy tradition to a show that hasn't changed time slots in 60 years.

Point 2: NBC screwed the pooch by simply changing the names and times of 3 of its shows. It's not like Conan is working with Leno's old writing team, they all moved with him to his new show just like everyone from Late Night came with Conan and just like Jimmy Fallon's awful friends came with him. They moved everything around and were shocked when it didn't immediately succeed, which leads to

Point 3: NBC is scrambling to fix this clusterfuck by putting Leno back where he used to be, despite him contractually leaving that show to O'Brien, back-peddling and pissing off everyone in the process.

Point 4: Leno brings in ad money, likely because major companies still associate him with the face/chin of late night. NBC should be switching their focus to O'Brien and toning down their emphasis on Leno to make the switch, not keep him on the air into his failing years like their network's personal stroke-ridden Dick Clark.

Point 5: This is the last one and the most important. You cannot air "The Tonight Show" in what is technically tomorrow.

So for those five reasons–mostly number 5–I am choosing to support 'Team Conan.' I am not doing it because I would support him in anything. It's not like he's Colbert or anything. Frankly, I always get weirded out by the way O'Brien stares unblinkingly into the camera after each joke, like he's judging me for not laughing from the other side of my TV set. Yet still, for the issues, I will side with him at least this once. DO NOT FEAR CHANGE NBC! AUDIENCES WILL ADJUST. It may require a bullet in Jay Leno's head before they do, but obviously we don't condone that kind of thinking. At least not before running it past a test audience.