Avo Saver! | Save your avocados with this strange bondage gear!

"Stores & keeps a cut avocado fresh for longer"

What?

What is this medieval torture device? It bears (pears? *rimshot*) a striking resemblance to the "pear of anguish," actually. (Now you get the joke. /*rimshot*)

This thing looks like a lunchbox packed for The Gimp in Pulp Fiction.

If I wanted to spice up my marriage, I would reach into a small, nondescript shoebox at the back of my closet and pull out one of these. If my wife then refused to speak with my kinky ass for a week and we never spoke of it again, this is the device I would be caught applying to a high-salary call girl when I should have been on my congressionally-funded fact-finding tour.

Also, it might be made from the smelted remains of an old Swamp Thing: The Animated Series toys I had as a kid.

Yeah, that's not a sex bed. Sure.

On Avocados

Every time I place avocados back into the "FRUIT" bin in my refrigerator, the tomatoes stare at me accusingly.

I don't know why I keep caving to societal pressure and leave them in the vegetable bin, all I know is they've got to be pretty mad at this point.