On Blatant Pandering

Every now and then, usually when I cant think of anything better to post, I go into what I very diplomatically call "Reader Appreciation Week." This is where I figure out what's been drawing in readers over the last few months, then provide more of the same.

It's kind of a cop-out, kind of a sell-out, but a solid 15% of it is just making fun of the ridiculous crap people look for before ending up on my site. I have no problem with this. Hell, if I increased page views by about, oh, let's see … 10,00,000% I could live off this scheme. So no, I don't really have a problem with pandering ever so often.

Then again, if I were to do that this week, this post would be nothing but photos of Chris Evans as Captain America, the Baby Bullet, and butterfly jokes. Historically, though, there should be about 50,000 images of "girls fat asses."

Still not sure how that one keeps redirecting, but I'll take what hits I can get.

An Unnecessary Number of Butterfly Jokes

 











A monarch butterfly migrates past two moths from Texas. One moth turns to the other and says, "Fucking Mexicans."

Mark Wahlberg rushes up to a lepidopterist through a field of butterflies, scattering the insects as he screams, "Doctor! Doctor! You've got to help me!" The lepidopterist looks at him with concern, asking, "What? What's wrong?" Mark Wahlberg says, "Doctor! I'm seeing spots!" And the lepidopterist says, "You're a fucking asshole, Mark."

You ever think Godzilla vs. Mothra never would have happened if Godzilla wasn't always vomiting like a giant porch light?


A caterpillar turns to a couple inchworms and says, "I'm all about change." When she crawls away one inchworm says to the other, "Man, Leslie's really been different since she discovered weed at college."


I want to genetically engineer a butterfly with a spot on the back of its abdomen that looks like a tiny person. Then on that tiny person's back is a tattoo of a goddam butterfly.


A caterpillar was having a screaming match with its parents. "Maybe I don't want to be like you, alright? Maybe I don't want to be a butterfly!" So he dropped out and became an artist.