On Pregnancy

Met a woman today buying three books about pregnancy and a copy of "The Vow." Let's just take an inductive leap and assume she's going to skip straight to the "Hormonal" chapter.

Honestly, I was surprised she didn't grab half a pound of Godiva and a jar's worth of fried pickles.

Of course, we don't sell fried pickles, but I'd eat enough to get sick if we did. Probably best we don't, then. Chocolate and pickles are good together too. Crap, I think I've been pregnant for my entire life. Like Godzilla.

"Ugh…I think my ankles are swollen!"

What Russian Scients May Find at the Bottom of Lake Vostock

1. Megatron
   
   
   
   
2. Cthulhu. Alternately: Godzilla, Nessie, or lizard men guarding an opening to the inside of our hollow Earth
   
   
   
   
   
3. Bacterial to destroy us all
   
   
4. Amelia Earhart, married to Aquaman and ruling Atlantis
   
   
5. M. Night Shyamalan.
   
   
   
   
   
6. Some previously unknown species of little shrimp or something.