How to Pick Up A Date at Comic Con

It's that time of year, again, when nerds of ever creed and manna color pack up their buddies' vans and head out to San Diego.

It is important in these days to remember that awareness of certain decorums are going to drop significantly as excitement builds approaching the convention. Body odor is the classic example, staying hydrated a distant second, but there are certain other behaviors which tend to fly out the window when geeks congregate and become aware that there are no "normal" people around them to stifle their subcultural impulses.

Thus, here are some tips for acceptable ways to approach a sexified person at SDCC.

She is wearing a headband and yoga socks.

"You wanna get drunk in my hotel room and fuck to subtitled episodes of Naruto?"

He is Asian with spiked hair and is showing his bare torso.

"I really like your jacket. Do you have a Facebook? Maybe we can be friends." Ladies, give him your contact info, but make sure to have him friend himself on your phone (if you miraculously have service, otherwise get his info too and contact him early). He will be somewhat shy, actually. Be overtly feminine so he feels manly and in control.

He is Asian with spiked hair and is showing his bare, shiny torso.

He's gay. Ladies, ogle from afar, get a picture in necessary. Dudes into other dudes, follow a less bubbly version of the above advice.

She is showing some cleave and is really into posing for pictures.

She's a cosplay model and you stand no shot with her. She may even be dating the stylish photographer nearby not in costume. Your only real shot is to be Buddy Scalera. Man, that guy's nice.

She is showing a lot of cleave and is happily posing for pictures.

She's wearing very short pants isn't she? And is their a website printed on either them or her small t-shirt? Yeah, see, that's a booth babe. She's paid to be there, but she's also getting exposure for herself if she already works for the company. Honestly? Go ahead and try to chat her up. Engage her innocently and about not what she does, but what she enjoys about Comic Con and possibly what you imagine her positive career progression would be.

WARNING: If Booth Babe (male or female) looks disgruntled in any way, ABORT. Most likely this person is a model hired for the day to wear a costume/uniform. While they are sometimes nerds happy to take a dream job, more often they are looking for a paycheck a bit bigger than Timmy's eighth birthday party. If you are going for gusto, approach at your caution early on day two, when the shock-and-awe has worn off, but the hatred for humanity hasn't set in yet.

Example 1: You are talking to a girl at the GodsGirls.com booth. Good.
Example 2: You are talking to a dude from Real World Season 8, dressed as Captain America outside a booth selling comic books and vinyl maquettes. Bad.

You come across someone wearing a costume complimentary to your own.

Get buddy-buddy for people taking photos. See if you're headed towards the same panel. If not, no, you're going to their next panel. What a coincidence. Make friends, try to invite them out to an after-party. Functionally, follow the Naruto advice without explicitly saying anything boneheaded.

They are an exhibitor/panelist/other guest.

Please, just don't try. We all want them to come back next year.

Exception: They are Nathan Fillion.

Do whatever you have to.

Advice from NY Comic Con

1. Walking

• Like Sand People, always ride single-file, both to hide your numbers and so people in a hurry can get around you.
• Fat people, especially take note.
• Hold hands to stay together, but trust that feeling the warm touch of another human is assurance enough they are still back there. Stopping and turning every six seconds is annoying to others.
• Walking hand-in-hand, side-by-side is especially frowned upon.
• Fat couples, really take note here.
• As with guns, don't aim for where the open space is, aim for where it is going to be.
• Experience playing "Frogger" helps.
• You are going to see many interesting things. If you can help it, never stop in the path of foot traffic. Aim for a nearby corner, wall, or divider, and stay out of the way.
• Unless they are going your way, never get stuck behind large or bulky costumes, or people in wheelchairs [or baby strollers].
• If they are going your way, ride in their wake.
• "Follow the Wookie" was something I never thought I'd joyously live to hear.

2. Personal Space

• You don't have any.
• Wear deodorant.
• In fact, bring an extra stick. Even travel size. Maybe breath mints too.
• Don't be the awkward old Asian man on the subway and start getting handsy with the cute girls. Most of them will take a photo with you in ridiculous poses as long as you ask. You can even touch them if you're not a creep about it. Just keep it to G-rated behavior, dude.
• Be mindful of protruding parts of your costume.

3. Further Photo Etiquette

• Always ask before taking a photo of someone unless they are already in the process of posing for someone else, in which case a simple head nod and smile is usually sufficient to beg a few seconds more of their time.
• Offer your business card or email address in case they would like copies.
• If you post photos online, credit the models where possible.
• Compliment the costumer's performance
• Do not take photos of a group and leave out certain members. Pull one aside and at least explain that you'd just like a special pose of said character in addition to the group shots.
• Always thank the people when you're done.

4. Miscellaneous

• Hitting on Booth Babes is like hitting on bartenders: don't do it while they're working or still in uniform.
• Chat them up nicely, don't take too much of their time, offer to socialize if they have free time after they finish up and feel up for it. Do not be pushy or overeager.
• Bring a big, empty bag. You will need it.
• Hydrate.