Monday, July 9, 2012

How to Pick Up A Date at Comic Con

It's that time of year, again, when nerds of ever creed and manna color pack up their buddies' vans and head out to San Diego.

It is important in these days to remember that awareness of certain decorums are going to drop significantly as excitement builds approaching the convention. Body odor is the classic example, staying hydrated a distant second, but there are certain other behaviors which tend to fly out the window when geeks congregate and become aware that there are no "normal" people around them to stifle their subcultural impulses.

Thus, here are some tips for acceptable ways to approach a sexified person at SDCC.

She is wearing a headband and yoga socks.

"You wanna get drunk in my hotel room and fuck to subtitled episodes of Naruto?"

He is Asian with spiked hair and is showing his bare torso.

"I really like your jacket. Do you have a Facebook? Maybe we can be friends." Ladies, give him your contact info, but make sure to have him friend himself on your phone (if you miraculously have service, otherwise get his info too and contact him early). He will be somewhat shy, actually. Be overtly feminine so he feels manly and in control.

He is Asian with spiked hair and is showing his bare, shiny torso.

He's gay. Ladies, ogle from afar, get a picture in necessary. Dudes into other dudes, follow a less bubbly version of the above advice.

She is showing some cleave and is really into posing for pictures.

She's a cosplay model and you stand no shot with her. She may even be dating the stylish photographer nearby not in costume. Your only real shot is to be Buddy Scalera. Man, that guy's nice.

She is showing a lot of cleave and is happily posing for pictures.

She's wearing very short pants isn't she? And is their a website printed on either them or her small t-shirt? Yeah, see, that's a booth babe. She's paid to be there, but she's also getting exposure for herself if she already works for the company. Honestly? Go ahead and try to chat her up. Engage her innocently and about not what she does, but what she enjoys about Comic Con and possibly what you imagine her positive career progression would be.

WARNING: If Booth Babe (male or female) looks disgruntled in any way, ABORT. Most likely this person is a model hired for the day to wear a costume/uniform. While they are sometimes nerds happy to take a dream job, more often they are looking for a paycheck a bit bigger than Timmy's eighth birthday party. If you are going for gusto, approach at your caution early on day two, when the shock-and-awe has worn off, but the hatred for humanity hasn't set in yet.

Example 1: You are talking to a girl at the booth. Good.
Example 2: You are talking to a dude from Real World Season 8, dressed as Captain America outside a booth selling comic books and vinyl maquettes. Bad.

You come across someone wearing a costume complimentary to your own.

Get buddy-buddy for people taking photos. See if you're headed towards the same panel. If not, no, you're going to their next panel. What a coincidence. Make friends, try to invite them out to an after-party. Functionally, follow the Naruto advice without explicitly saying anything boneheaded.

They are an exhibitor/panelist/other guest.

Please, just don't try. We all want them to come back next year.

Exception: They are Nathan Fillion.

Do whatever you have to.


  1. Can we add Felicia Day to the exceptions?

  2. Felicia Day is a beautiful fawn and if you startle her she will never return, and then the Internet will kill you.

    Don't let the Internet kill you.

    Be cool around Felicia Day.


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