Phoenix Rising: The Most Offensive Book I've Ever Seen

I want it on the record that this officially bumps Glenn Beck's thinly-veiled masturbatory Obama murder fantasies as the most offensive, jingoistic horse shit to be sold as actual printed words.

Phoenix Rising: Fire Base Freedom by William W. Johnstone (with J. A. Johnstone).

The back jacket reads as follows. Note the quotes around "peace." (Vocal inflection has also been added to approximate tone.)


In the interest of full disclosure, this is put out by Kensington Books, purveyors of fine "Urban" (read: low-income African American) fiction such as Somebody's Got to Be on Top.

If it's any consolation, this zero copies and like all Kensington publications, isn't even worth returning to the publisher, and is immediately recycled in bulk.

Living the Dream; the Nerdy, Nerdy Dream

Unfortunately, this isn't the dream with Japanese sexbots or
your high school crush in a Princess Leia bikini.

Today I changed my address in the DMV database. It cost me $1.

I then requested a new license with the updated address. This cost $17.50.

I updated my health insurance, but I'm unsure if they spelled the town right, so I have to check up on them. I called my doctor, and they found me within seconds just by name. I called my dentist, but his phone was having issues so I'll call back.

Then I tried to update my bank, so I could change all my billing info everywhere and order new checks, but I can't. I can't access my bank's website. Would you like to know why?

Because Islamic extremist hackers have been attacking my bank's digital landing continuously for the last twenty hours.

Do you understand how awesome that sounds? This isn't about two conflicting ways of life or ideology any more. This is about two groups, divided only by ethnic affiliation but sharing the exact same culture and methods of reprisal, waging digital war because it's a just cause.

Why are they attacking JPMorgan Chase? I haven't the faintest. I imagine Chase is somehow affiliated with another company–possibly Google's YouTube–which in turn is related to the atrocity of film making that is "Innocence of Muslims." Hell, maybe it's just that Chase is a solid figurehead to put atop a tyrannical hierarchy of Western racist colonialism. Whatever the exact cause, it's quite amusing.

This is the kind of thing "we" do to protest corporate lobbying and political chess games designed to stifle individual freedoms and liberties. Also to harass Russian women who murder cats on video. Or underage loudmouths. Or girls who wouldn't sleep with us in high school. Or whoever, really.

But now "Them" are using our own methods. The Other, as Edward Said would say, has proven to be no different from Us, except in his recognition that there is some superficial difference between our heritages. This is the future, cats and kittens, as I'm always so fond of pointing out. Our 'enemy' is exactly like us in every way, except in that we disagree about something important, apparently, and we each think the other has a funny accent.

We're living in a William Gibson cyberpunk story, kids. The Muslim hackers alliance with raid the banking guilds not for profit, but to sew disorder among the ivory towers of the oppressive uppermost class. Alif the Unseen is a bit prescient now, it seems.

Here's hoping next come the Moon base Rastafarians.