On Capitalism

I thought this was only fair, as I covered Socialism on Friday.

Capitalistic Names For My Genitals:

• "Enron" - Because I lie about how big it's actually been growing.
  
  
• "Goldman Sachs" - Because it collapses at the worst possible time.
  
  
• "The Free Market" - Because no one should put any restrictions on where it can go or what it can do.
  
  
• "eBay.com" - Because I've certainly gotten a lot of use out of it myself, but someone else might want to play with it for a change.
  
  
• "The Bear Market" - Because my family is quite furry.
  
  
• "The Sock Exchange" - Because I'm packing?
  
  
• "The Nikkei" - Because my numbers seem much larger in Japanese.
  
  
• "E pluribus unum" - Because "out of many, one" certainly applies to sperm cells.
  
  
• "John Maynard Keynes" - Because of "trickle down" economics.
  

On My Continued Stardom

Today, through achieving excellence in hilarity, I was retweeted on the Twitters by Matt Boyd, the writer behind one of my favorite now-defunct webcomics, "Mac Hall." (Along with the same artist, Ian McConville, the two now do the awesomely styled "Three Panel Soul.")

How did I achieve this terrific feat?

I responded to his tweet, "'The Means of Production' is the only socialistic name I can think of for my penis."

Socialist names I came up with for my penis:

• "Opiate of the masses"
• "To Every Woman According to Her Need"
• "The Superstructure"

I'm particularly proud of that last one, though Matt seems to have liked "Opiate of the Masses."

So far the running Twitter Tally also includes Dave Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Ingrid Michaelson, and–apparently–the entire Asperger's Community. Now I just need Nathan Fillion and The Situation.

Wait, strike that last one. I already got the Asperger's thing.