On Trekkies

To be honest, I don't give a crap about Star Trek, but I'll watch anything featuring time travel all alternate realities. That's how I got sucked into TNG and Voyager and that one episode of DS9, and by God I'll watch this new movie illegally online with 15% of the screen cropped off.

I'm just sick of these reviews being either "A+++ AWESOME MOVIE, BRO! EXPLOSIONS MICHAEL BAYE WOULD BE PROUD!" or "FUCKING RUINED TREK [massive spoiler] FUCK ABRAMS UP THE CLOVERFIELD."

Guys, I get it. You're upset it's resetting the continuity, or rather you're upset they're shifting which continuity is known to the masses and suddenly all your geek trivia might mean less because Joe Fuckhead in Jersey knows just as much about the new Kirk as you do. Relax. You still got your geek cred. The original shit will not disappear because there's a new black chick out there in red spandex. It's oh-kay.

God, see, this is why people don't like you. You've got a major case of phaser-up-the-butt.

At least Star Wars nerds acknowledge our universe was ruined by its creator. We accepted it and moved on and we still get to play with our flashlights in a darkened basement. Go put on a red shirt and joke about how many Cardassians it takes to change a plasma conductor or something.

It's a movie, Jim, not a miracle worker.