Idle Thoughts While Watching "Reign of Fire"

• Why isn't Li'l Jon ever concerned with WHY?

• Gerard Butler and Christian Bale should just fist fight in real life.
  

• For that matter, I want to see a movie where, through a cooky misunderstanding, Liam Neeson and Harrison Ford come to believe the other has taken their family.

• All you need to kill a dragon is incendiary rounds. Hell, I'm sure even phosphorus tracer rounds could do some damage in the right places, though their low velocity might hinder their stopping force enough to prevent penetration of the dragon's hide.

• I love that 20 years into the apocalypse, Britons are still reenacting The Empire Strikes Back for children. Gotta keep the classics alive.

• So Christian Bale is the first man to have seen a dragon alive in hundreds of years, understands their entire history, but Matthew McConaughey and the Americans are infinitely more badass and refuse to lay down and die. Yup, sounds about right for bi-continentals.

• This movie is stupid.

On Liam Neeson

I like watching television and talking back to it whenever someone says something magnificently stupid, which is fairly often.

The problem is I've been doing this for going on twenty years and, frankly, I'm running out of witty material for comebacks. It's gotten to the point where if I I don't truly feel disdain for what I'm seeing I feel like it's not even worth it and I just parrot back whatever was just said like some demented third grader.

So I was watching a movie trailer yesterday where Liam Neeson said something just completely ridiculous, that usually being his case, and my first inclination was to just adopt a gruff tone and mimic his ass until it left my screen. That's when I realized I can't possibly parody Liam Neeson.

I mean I'm already bearded and incredibly condescending. There's not a lot more to him than that.