On Friends

Last night I met a bunch of new people. Some of them commented on my shirt being awesome. This felt good. I shook some hands, hugged a bunch of very attractive ladies, saw some old friends I'd lost track of, drank beers, played pong, and had conversations about American history, politics, philosophy, economics, religion, and Ayn Rand. (For the record, I ain't about Ayn.)

There was a pleasant time had, and I hope everyone else had such fun.

Except for this goddam nightingale outside my window that sings at the ass-crack of dawn. Seriously, it perches on my roof.

Oh, and excepting Rand too. Fuck that bitch. I prefer Margaret Atwood, anyway.

Tiny Wings: The End of Your Life

I am inches away from beating a Z-list cable celebrity's all-time Tiny Wings score. And it's killing me.

A spent the last hour playing the game. In that time, I must have played a score of games, more if you include all the ones I immediately restarted for missing the first jumps due to cat-jumping-on-chest, and downright being fed up. I was on the final ramp to that sweet, sweet, mysterious ninth island when the dark finally crept up on me. I was enraged. Cursing was had. Loudly. At 3 a.m.

Twenty some-odd games in 60 minutes. That's about one every three minutes, but like I said, many of them were seconds long. Do you know how long that is in bird time? Like forever. It's ridiculous to say, but I spend almost zero time touching the ground. My tiny winged bird is flying all up in that sky and I am the man. I'm topping out over 203K tonight. So far, that's beating the producer of the Z-list cable celebrity.

But I'm getting close, Kevin Pereira. You said you retired at 220K, well I'm coming for you. I'm on my tenth nest and I can taste that ninth island and the tender objective getting there will complete. I'm pretty sure before my next nest I am going to destroy you. And then I can finally sleep the sleep of a man who has nothing left to gain.

Except the latest levels of Angry Birds.

Things I Have Learned Housesitting

Things I Have Learned Housesitting:

• Always bring your own toilet paper.
• Dogs are fucking crazy for chasing rabbits.
  
• "Unbreakable" Kryptonite brand bike chains have a lifetime warrantee that does cover gettin chewed through, but after three run throughs customer service starts getting a tad miffed.
• Birds don't eat fucking anything.