Tiny Wings Redux

Apologies for the near-lack of a Friday post; I was busy eating a lot of food and trading stories with my drunk extended family. Best compliment: "It's exactly like 'Always Sunny!'" [re: my friends and our, er … adventures.]

However, I totally made a new high score in Tiny Wings while I was doing that.

Trounced my last high score by a full 21,000!

That stood until earlier tonight, when I launched off a huge jump and through a boost right at the exact moment night fell and my game should have ended. Then I was launched into … I can only surmise it was outer space. My bird left the ground behind in ever-decreasing scales as his trajectory veered asymptotically towards the vertical, into the inky black depths on the game, my distance and score still increasing as "Day Over" still flashed across the screen.

Eventually, my bird must have reached Moon Base Alpha, or died of asphyxia or something, because my score finally topped out at 278,866.

You will note, however, that only my original score and rank were recorded.

Basically, my Tiny Wings got a massive power-up and flew my not just off my little island, but forty thousand points directly up. That's an additional 230 meters or so. Pretty sure a plane would hae stalled out. That bird is baller, yo.

Of Small Victories

Here was my great victory for today. No, I don't count finally hanging all the new photos and art we recently purchased in decorating my house, no, it wasn't cleaning out my DVD rack or finally getting around to rewatching Mark Harmon in "Summer School." It wasn't even taking notes on the first season of Jersey Shore and calling it "progress" on my book.

No, it was breaking the 220k mark in Tiny Wings.

Why? Because a week ago I was watching G4TV's Attack of the Show and heard host Kevin Pereira say that he had hung up his Tiny Wings hat after achieving a high score of 220k and then berated the crew for heckling him and finding out only one man there had come close with about 180,000.

Well you can go host a new offshoot of The Soup, Kevin, because I just made you superfluous in the world of Tiny Wings. And I'm only getting better. I've got two achievements left and then it looks like scores max out at 400,000 on the nose. That sweet, sweet 30x multiplier is going to be a game changer.

I officially challenge you, Mr. Pereira, though I'm sure you will never see this. I challenge you to take up once more your tiny wings and scoot hills and valleys for your honor.

I await your white glove, sir. May God grant you the dignity in defeat your AOTS contract seems to expressly forbid you.

Tiny Wings: The End of Your Life

I am inches away from beating a Z-list cable celebrity's all-time Tiny Wings score. And it's killing me.

A spent the last hour playing the game. In that time, I must have played a score of games, more if you include all the ones I immediately restarted for missing the first jumps due to cat-jumping-on-chest, and downright being fed up. I was on the final ramp to that sweet, sweet, mysterious ninth island when the dark finally crept up on me. I was enraged. Cursing was had. Loudly. At 3 a.m.

Twenty some-odd games in 60 minutes. That's about one every three minutes, but like I said, many of them were seconds long. Do you know how long that is in bird time? Like forever. It's ridiculous to say, but I spend almost zero time touching the ground. My tiny winged bird is flying all up in that sky and I am the man. I'm topping out over 203K tonight. So far, that's beating the producer of the Z-list cable celebrity.

But I'm getting close, Kevin Pereira. You said you retired at 220K, well I'm coming for you. I'm on my tenth nest and I can taste that ninth island and the tender objective getting there will complete. I'm pretty sure before my next nest I am going to destroy you. And then I can finally sleep the sleep of a man who has nothing left to gain.

Except the latest levels of Angry Birds.