Some Thoughts on Tragedy, Gun Control, and Actionable Culture

I have not posted anything about recent events in Connecticut or the ensuing debates that have raged on in media outlets as they debate things everyone seems to have a firm grasp of, despite not agreeing.

Partly, because this is a humor publication and I didn't see anything funny for a couple days there. The other reason is that I felt rather conflicted as well. Do I believe horrible events like these can be prevented–at least in such quantity–by tighter restrictions on the availability and severity of firearms? Obviously. There would also be fewer cars if we limited the sale of gas. This is not an argument against doing so, just an obvious course of action to ameliorate the situation.

Do I believe the federal government should mandate who can own a gun? Not solely, because that legitimately could be abused if a legitimate dictatorship were established in some insane future dystopia–which I might add has in no cinematic portrayal ever used a young white guy as evil dictator, only old white men. However, as a society, we all seem to agree that the status quo of the legal and health care systems seem inadequate. So why not remove the slippery slope argument entirely?

Do it by referendum.

Hold a popular vote in every state, every county. Let the poeple of those counties, now, when their gut reactions favor the side of self-restraint and decency, decide how stringent regulations on purchasing weapons should be.

Don't make it an outright ban. Don't even let that be an option. Choose what kind of process must be gone through to acquire one. Make them pass written and safety tests. Make the innitial license conditional.

Make it harder to buy a firearm than get a driver's license.

Require a goddam psych screening for anyone looking to buy high-powered, semi-auto, or anything else used more to kill people than fauna. I really don't care. Crazed, gun-toting counties with secessionist leanings can still have all the AKs they want. I'm not worried about them blowing up their own shopping malls. The important thing is that people who want to change our society engage in that society. No one is forcing you to throw away your defenses. We're asking you to evaluate what you actually need and join the discussion.

Today I found this image on Facebook:

This is an example of being a worthless human being. "Support the troops" is a meaningless phrase invented by idiots who felt threatened in some noncorporeal way. It does nothing. Withdrawing troops supports them, but sending them to defend you is more important? Why not enlist yourself. That's certainly supporting the troop next to you. If you're not going to join their effort, act to help them.

This image? It's a "fuck you" to anyone who dissents from your opinion, yet it contributes nothing. It is less useful than spending the time it would take to read the text talking about how to help your local VFW barbecue.

And for the record, here's the original image associated with that story:

Yup, it's 100% bullshit stolen from an episode of M*A*S*H. There's your joke. So next time you 'Like' a photo on Facebook and feel like a patriot, slap yourself across the face and then donate $5 to whatever charity the nearest Vet wants.

On Bumper Stickers II: The Bumpening

Two more ripe gems yesterday morning. First up: abortion.

Alright, you're pro-life. I can respect that and, from that perspective, I guess this makes a certain kind of sense. Your people tend to like shock value in your personal belief advertisements which you force on others. Fine.

On the same car: "OBAMA" bumper sticker.

Really? Are you both pro-life and democrat? I mean, I guess it's possible, but that's still not something a person usually sees. Especially since a pro-life democrat isn't likely to be the type to shout such beliefs from their exhaust pipe. More likely, they'd politely mention it while adding that it is their personal belief but they also respect others' opinions. Perhaps it'd make more semse if I got close enough to read the fine print:

Theeeeeeeere we go. Okay. Now we're being consistent. Let the opining begin.

*ahem*

1. I will hand you a petri dish. Please show me where in that dish I can find a human being.
   
    
2. I would be shocked if anyone sporting this first sticker had the technical capacity to show me the difference between artificially combined freeze-dried gametes on a microscope slide and a skin sample randomly taken from my left index finger. Or anything under a microscope, really.
   
3. … You're aware that in order to be impeached an elected official has to have done something illegal, right?
   
4. And oh, good, that's a hammer and sickle inside the Acorn symbol. I was afraid we weren't going to compare government regulation of failing, abusive industries to the political ideologies of fascists better utilized as villains in an Indiana Jones feature. Thank the sweet Christian God for that.

Let's be honest about this. You obviously have no idea how biology, social services, communism, capitalism, fascism or representative democracy actually work. As a matter of fact, I'm surprised you find yourself capable of making your car go vroom in the mornings. (And frankly, I am unimpressed with your ability to achieve that much.)

So you know what, I'm glad you have these bumper stickers on your car. At the very least, it warns everybody around you not to listen to a goddam word you say.