Further Party Advice from a Drunken Near-Genius

1. Being drunk during the Daylight Savings Time shift is like being in the DeLorean with Doc Brown.

2. It is one thing to know a friend is going to drive drunk and there is nothing you can do about it. It is quite another to give him $2 to bring back a double cheeseburger. It i a third matter to worry that, should he die, you will be out that $2.

3. If others only can remember you as "Hey, Drunk Guy!" or "Gary's friend! (Who's Gary?)" You have not been memorable enough. If people you have never met or do not recall meeting know you're full name as a matter of public record, you have done something right.

4. If some dudes start talking about Star Wars unabashedly, go ahead and brag about your nerd credentials. If they make fun of you, just beat them up and call them nerds. No-lose.

On Drunkenness

"I wish Twitter was a different place from twitter so that I could tell you again how drunk I am."

- The sign of a good night.

On Cuddling

This came up in conversation today. I was asked to help a cousin out and make a ruling, this being said ruling and all associated points.

Cuddling - v. Two people are said to be cuddling if and only if both parties are consciously aware they are intertwined with the other and are enjoying the closeness.

1. If two people become intertwined while sleeping in close proximity to each other as a result of cramped quarters, the result is cuddling unless both parties fell asleep before becoming intertwined and pseudo-cuddling ends immediately upon one party waking and breaking off the cuddle in a spastic manner.
2. If the first waking party does not break off the cuddle and continues to enjoy its feeling of safety and comfort, this results in cuddle rape, or non-consensual cuddling.
3. If the second party awakes to find the first party awake and still in the cuddle, this should be construed as an open invitation on continued and future cuddling.
4. Inebriated cuddling is the worst kind of cuddle because one is more likely to cuddle with a person (s)he would not normally admit to wanting to cuddle. Thus when one awakes (s)he finds her/himself in a Shame Cuddle.
5. A group cuddle involves three or more people in a sandwich or dog pile configuration all cuddling consensually. This can lead to cuddle orgies, cuddle porn on camera and pay-for-cuddle or cudstitution.
6. Hardcore amateur, lesbian and Asian cuddling are by far the most popular types of cuddling.

For further reading, visit CuddleParty.com.