On Positive Stereotypes

I've mentioned before my belief that it's a duty to negate negative stereotypes with counter behavior, but some stereotypes are just positive overall. The most immediate thought is the "Asian people are good at math" thing.

Now, of course not all Asian people are good at math. I've read enough Japanese comic to know that some of them suck just as hard as any other ethnic group. However here's my personal experience:

Asian Kid (about 12): "How much is this book?"

Me: "Iiiiit's $20."

Kid (nervously): "$20?"

Me: "…But it's on sale for 20% off, so it's really $16."

Kid (less tentatively): "So $16!?"

Me: Well, yeah, $16 plus tax."

Kid: "Tax??"

Me: "Yeah, seven-and-a-half percent."

Kids: "So that's…?"


Really, kid? Really? I'm sorry, but it's not fare to ask me to give you percents that use the number 7. That's just bullshit. I sell books, kid. With a computer. My degree says "English" and "Writing," and I'm pretty sure the only number on there are the day and date.

I finally grasped that this kid was concerned because he only had a $20 bill to spend, which is cool, but dude, I heard you speaking Japanese to your little brother as he played Angry Birds. You can fluently speak two different languages, each properly accented. You're super-Asian, kid. I expected better from your parents.

Your brother was an emotionless little baller, though. That kid was badass.

On Dreams, Pt. II

I'm not sure how much I buy into the idea that dreams are wish fulfillment. Sometimes, yes, obviously.

Last night, for example, I dreamnt myself into a very awkward moment with a former romantic partner. Now we did not exactly leave on the best terms, so her desire for me could have been seen as wish fulfillment on my part.

However my brain knows what it knows. This person promised to be kissy kissy only because she was drunk and only after she was done making out with some girl she'd just met.

Essentially true to life.

So what could be the wishing was that I turned down sexy dream slobbers because I knew it was wrong. I also learned that I have a habit of being placed into dominant roles in relationships by manipulative submissive women, so A) my family screwed me up like everyone else but quietly and B) now I know and there's nothing you can do to stop me from safeguarding against that attack.


Anyway, I felt really good about denying that bitch the satisfaction of using me as a third-string chew toy. Still, I was rather upset that I ever have to consider this person at all, so I grumbled and went back to sleep.

But for resisting temptation even in dream where one can do anything, I was rewarded with a second dream where I received in the mail the latest Green Day CD with the single and some bonus stickers and other bands' demos and then got to go on an international (i.e. Canada) car trip with my friends Jay and for some reason Trips.

If that weren't wish fulfillment enough, after that I dreamed I had sex with an unreasonably attractive Mila Kunis double. At the bottom of a waterside.

Also, I was a pizza boy and apparently a high school geek and the jocks caught us cuddling the next morning and respected me. Fuck. Yes. Dream Dave.

Of Stereotypes

I like to consider myself a tolerant person.

Frequently, the most racist worry I have is wondering if it appears more racist to avoid eye contact with minorities or actively hold it, because one could be misconstrued as aloof and the other as scornful. Usually, I race my mind into a P.C. fervor and end up adopting a stupid, blank stare with the hint of a smile, which I still worry would be taken as a sign of mocking superiority, but only by militant black guys who'd jump down my throat anyway just for being white. [Please note the sarcasm here, minority reader. Oh come on, it's not like there's two of you.]

For the record, I self-identify as an asshole, but nationality wise I can trace my lineage to Irish, Italian, Albanian, a smattering of French and Welsh, German, Polish, Russian, Latvian/Lithuanian/Estonian (intermingled Balkan) and, oh yes, African. About the only things I'm not are Spanish, Nordic, Asian and Pacific Islander.

That said, I fully admit the African thing is only circumstantial, resulting from a Southern Italian uncle having a genetic African blood disorder that is not Sickle Cell.

That said, my dominant gene expressions are Western European Jew, so yes, I do have a firm understanding of racism and intolerance. It was drilled into me for three years of Sunday classes my mother paid for at my local Temple in Westchester, NY.

But I digressed.

The point is, I firmly believe that hating people for nationality or religion or skin color is just dumb. Frankly, it's just idiotic. I mean it's a terribly inefficient system for gauging the criteria by which to hate someone. If a guy's black he's not a monster. He could be a dumbass, but that's who he is as a person. Don't hate a Jew because you think his people secretly control the government and killed your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; hate us because we openly control Hollywood and major media organizations. Have you seen Israeli military operations? Short of guilting you and that whole Mossad thing, we re not a very surreptitious people.

Hate a person for who he is on the inside. Give everyone a chance, a chance to prove they really are a complete ass, and then if they prove your first assumption right, well then, you're not a racist at all, you just have a very good sense for who a person really is. Go you.

All things considered, though, the only people I really instantly hate are fashionista posers (for obvious reasons) and the few backwards individuals who reinforce stereotypes against their own heritages.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Women who actually are very poor drivers - You are just awful. You have a civic responsibility to improve how women are perceived in the workplace but apparently that doesn't kick in until you arrive in the parking lot. Do you want to know the reason you make seventy cents for every dollar I earn? It's because the other $0.30 is being paid to keep your insurance down!

Cheap-ass Jews - Seriously, guys? We've got the money. I've seen it. It's in that big secret vault under the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem. That's where we horde it all, right? So guys, leave the loose change on the ground. If it won't hold up foot traffic, sure a quarter is fair game, but can we at least agree to keep restaurant tips above 15% from now on? Please?

Racist Rednecks - Come on, fellas. Last year I flipped to the Discover Channel and found Billy Ray Cyrus narrating a show about the history of "The mountain People of the Appalachians." That's not the kind of publicity you want. Hell, if there were more minorities in Nebraska I bet you'd be able to qualify for more government funding, and I'm sure if you got over your little "Colored pepuz smell funny" bullshit you'd be able to marry someone other than your cousins. LOOK HOW TINY MILEY CYRUS IS. Now look at your inbred hound dog with the hip problems. It's the same thing, guys. You need to expand your minds to expand your gene pool.

Food Industry Asian People - You guys are really good at math, which is actually super cool, and you're mostly very good drivers, but the one thing you all need to work on is not hating each other. Look at us Jews: we all hate ourselves, but we don't rip on each other. An Orthodox Jew, a Conservative Jew, a Reform Jew and a lapsed Jew walk into a Chinese restaurant on Christmas, and do you know how that joke ends? With the girl up front who speaks Mandarin yelling and being mean to the Cantonese guys locked in the back. Not cool, food industry Asians, not cool.

Hot Asian Girls - Actually, keep on doing what your doing. You- You're doing such wonderful things. For everyone, really. Thank you.