Five Reasons Jewish Guys Love Asian Girls

"This is everything I've wanted ever since my bar-mitzvah!"

1. They're not Jewish.

2. They have dark hair and eyes, and olive frequently olive skin as if they were Jewish, except–again–they're not.

3. The food is better.

4. They make us feel tall.

5. I've never 'accidentally' run across Hebrew Rope Bondage Porn while perusing the Internet.

Thoughts for the Day

"Hasn't anyone ever bothered to offer Macy Gray a throat lozenge of like some chamomile tea?"


"I saw two stars when I left work. Only two. Based on brightness and position in the West, I'm guessing 'Venus' and 'International Space Station.' Depressing."


"It's always nice to see young, white, upper-middle class babies adopting poor Asian grandparents.

On Positive Stereotypes

I've mentioned before my belief that it's a duty to negate negative stereotypes with counter behavior, but some stereotypes are just positive overall. The most immediate thought is the "Asian people are good at math" thing.

Now, of course not all Asian people are good at math. I've read enough Japanese comic to know that some of them suck just as hard as any other ethnic group. However here's my personal experience:

Asian Kid (about 12): "How much is this book?"

Me: "Iiiiit's $20."

Kid (nervously): "$20?"

Me: "…But it's on sale for 20% off, so it's really $16."

Kid (less tentatively): "So $16!?"

Me: Well, yeah, $16 plus tax."

Kid: "Tax??"

Me: "Yeah, seven-and-a-half percent."

Kids: "So that's…?"


Really, kid? Really? I'm sorry, but it's not fare to ask me to give you percents that use the number 7. That's just bullshit. I sell books, kid. With a computer. My degree says "English" and "Writing," and I'm pretty sure the only number on there are the day and date.

I finally grasped that this kid was concerned because he only had a $20 bill to spend, which is cool, but dude, I heard you speaking Japanese to your little brother as he played Angry Birds. You can fluently speak two different languages, each properly accented. You're super-Asian, kid. I expected better from your parents.

Your brother was an emotionless little baller, though. That kid was badass.

On Chinese Food

So I ordered Chinese food tonight and a white guy answered the phone.

I don't know he's white, but I mean I'm pretty sure. Dude kept asking the girl who normally answers the phone if I could get whatever I asked for. And he kept saying "they" instead of "we."

"They're really busy right now, so it's gonna be, like, 25 minutes."

I really hope that was the suburban white kid they pay to deliver for them, otherwise that was just some white dude who happened to be standing next to the phone when it rang. "YOU GET PHONE." "What?" "YOU GET PHONE!" "I'm sorry, I don't-" "YOU GET HONE NOW!" "OH JESUS FUCK ALRIGHT I GET PHONE!…Hello? Hunan House?"

At least he didn't have the worst job in the restaurant….