The Last Goodnight's "Stay Beautiful" Is Awful and Here Is Why

This song is the musical equivalent of what you write in a high school yearbook for someone you never really knew and never really cared to.

"Don't stop. Don't change. Stay beautiful."

 Fantastic. Why don't you just add "Have a great summer!" to the end of that and make this humiliation complete? At this point your just saying words that happen through sheer repetition of language to have acquired a culturally understood sensicality. There is no actual meaning to any of them in that order. You might have well better utilized the space under your senior class photo by simply scrawling your name extra large and the brief message, "Thanks for being polite. I'll never likely see you again and we're both alright with this."


HAGS!
- Dave

No Judgements

Dear Everyone Who Survived Last Night:


I just want you to know I still respect you. I know New Year's is a crazy night. It's okay. I don't think any less of you, for any of those things you did. Really, it's okay. I promise.

I spent last night sick in bed, blankly staring at Ryan Seacrest, waiting for my NyQuil to kick in. At one point, I put chapstick on my nose because I was raw from blowing it so much. That's sad and embarrassing. Whoever you tried to make out with? Really, it's alright.

Dignity is a … relative process.

On Bitches

I am told that "bitches" are not inclusive to shit excepting the subcategories of prostitutes and purveyors thereof.