No Judgements

Dear Everyone Who Survived Last Night:


I just want you to know I still respect you. I know New Year's is a crazy night. It's okay. I don't think any less of you, for any of those things you did. Really, it's okay. I promise.

I spent last night sick in bed, blankly staring at Ryan Seacrest, waiting for my NyQuil to kick in. At one point, I put chapstick on my nose because I was raw from blowing it so much. That's sad and embarrassing. Whoever you tried to make out with? Really, it's alright.

Dignity is a … relative process.

Health Care Mini-Post

I joked a while back that all the couching I did during my flu was going to give me ripped abs.

Well, it might have specifically ripped my right oblique.

I never quite shook that cough. Basically, the stress of trying to coordinate a major career and housing shift made me susceptible to illness, which might have put a little liquid in my lungs. Not full-on pneumonia, but I think just enough phlegm to keep me coughing and perpetuate the whole nonsense. That in turn had me coughing so viciously when I lay down that I may have kind of sort of could have pulled a muscle in my side.

Seriously, it's like a nine year old hit my in the ribs with a softball. This is stupid.

Being the big-shot adult I am, with health care cards and all, I've got a doctor's appointment at 9:15 this morning, so I'll update you all with the hilarious results on my prescribed prodding.

With any luck, he'll tell me I need mind-altering medication and bed rest.

The Joys of Havign A Flu

People don't usually give a flu the recognition it deserves as a dogooder, namely because, historically, it tends to just kill a large percentage of the people it infects.

But in the last hundred years we've done some really good work with beating this little collection of monosyllabic diseases back. Like botulism, we have found ways around the more lethal aspects of this bug and and turned it to good.

For example:

Not really eating for two days means you're body is going to consume some of your excess fat. This is a pretty sweet deal, as you already have an excuse to sit around and get no exercise, but still not want to eat. For a skinny guy like me, it's a really fantastic offer. I don't have a lot of body fat to begin with, so between the weight loss and the insane ab workout I'm getting from all this coughing, I'm going to look ripped for a couple weeks. I've been meaning to get back into working out, actually, much as I hate it, so this is really a solid kick-off party.

Also, it's my understanding that if you get bird flu, you gain the power of flight like Warren "Angel" Worthington of the X-Men. And flying is pretty sweet.