Happy St. Patrick's Day, Heathens!

 

May your glass be ever full, may the roof over your head be ever strong, and may you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
                                                 - Old Irish Drinking Toast

I hope you were all responsible enough yesterday during the festivities that you have survived to see this day, whereby you are entitled once more to imbibe until the fluids coming out of ya are as toxic as the fluids flowing inta ya.

Please make poor choices. Only small ones, little things that lead to fun and perhaps mischief, but never heartache or cruelty. Create wonderful stories and be a part of them, then make up a way better ending for when you tell it to your friends.

And if you see a little red-headed guy with a pot of gold…

Kick him. Because that ginger midget just used his one chance a year to rob a bank and get away with it.

No Judgements

Dear Everyone Who Survived Last Night:


I just want you to know I still respect you. I know New Year's is a crazy night. It's okay. I don't think any less of you, for any of those things you did. Really, it's okay. I promise.

I spent last night sick in bed, blankly staring at Ryan Seacrest, waiting for my NyQuil to kick in. At one point, I put chapstick on my nose because I was raw from blowing it so much. That's sad and embarrassing. Whoever you tried to make out with? Really, it's alright.

Dignity is a … relative process.

Their Name Is Jonas

They have an "autographed" picture of Nick Jonas hanging in the back room at work. I wanted to mock it one day. This is what my brain immediately came up with, and I instantly regretted not living in the one universe among the infinite where Disney takes risks and pays for music rights and is just generally more awesome than it is here.


*Note: Video is blocked in Germany due to international copyright restrictions. To my Deutch readers, sorry, and I hope you can proxy.