Sunday, September 6, 2009

On Growing Up III: The Curse of the Growening

So I finally decided to get rid of a bunch of the crap that's been sitting around my room making me feel goofy.

Another way to say this is I wanted to make my room seem somewhat more mature to match myself.

Another way to say this is "There ain't no way in hell you're getting laid with Optimus Prime watching."

Now I can't just turn the guy around, that's not the problem, you see. Quite frankly, I am not giving up my toys for anyone. I fully intend to keep them in my office, once I own my own house with an office. Unfortunately I do not own a house. I in fact live in my mother's apartment in a room and I am quite lucky to have my own bookshelf and free use of the public bathroom as long as it stays nice looking.

So, what to do, dear friends? How does one cram 80% of an apartment and a full childhood bedroom into the same spacial location? (For the purposes of this discussion we are ignoring the folding of space-time and other extra-dimensional physics because if I could afford to produce a tesseract I could just buy a damn house.)

Well the answer is you get sneaky.

Last night around 5 a.m. I had an epiphany, and emotional call that said, "I don't remember what half this memento crap is from so I can throw it away. Also, buy a cabinet and hide your toys."

So this afternoon I took some measurements, checked the Walmart website and then braved the white-trash mecca of our local superstore to snag the one remaining white storage cabinet.

Now let me be clear. 1) I thought it would be taller, but I'm okay with how the height turned out. 2) I originally intended to move (hopefully) all of my complete manga series, comic books or Star Wars novels into this cabinet, closing the doors and reserving visible shelf space for what didn't fit and my more mature literature, thus showing I am an adult with refined tastes.

Well, the top shelf is a couple Nerf Mavericks and my old N64, the PS2 I bought second-hand to play Guitar Hero on and the Sega Genesis 16-Bit I bought on eBay so I could play Sonic 2 again.

The second shelf is a pile of Transformers/hot chicks from movies action figures and a plethora of booze, albeit very refined, expensive booze.

The second-to-last shelf I removed. That's not true. I never installed it. Because this way I can store all my Nerf guns like an ammo locker.


Now fine, I regret that I spent $50 to store a lot less than I thought I would and yes, I still have to put another storage unit of un-eBay-able toys back in the attic, but honestly, I think it was worth it. I have a piece of furniture I can use in my eventu-home. There are far fewer things around my room that can act as a sexual Trapper Keeper. It is much neater and more mature than it was this morning.

Also, I totally have a cache of Nerf guns chilling next to my dresser. I'm like the Wacco ranch of foam-based maturity.

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