On Using Your Powers For Good

So when I play online poker for free I make a shit-ton of money.

For those of you using metric, that is 2,000 lbs or 4,240 kg of fecal matter arranged in a rough conical or pyramidal pile. When applied to money, think the Scrooge McDuck-like ability to literally swim through the money.

Interestingly, when I attempt to play online poker for real money I get exactly what you would expect.

Shafted.