Friday, December 2, 2011

Alternative God Particles

Media outlets have an unfortunate effect on the public perception of science every time they use the phrase "God Particle" to describe the Higgs boson. When results imply a lack of discovery, scientists are godless heathens full of hubris and contempt, worthy of scorn; when results might point towards a future discover–and let's be honest, those are the same results interpreted by someone who might just be a godless heathen too–anyone in the science community is generally embarrassed at how wildly hopeful the interpretation of those results are.

So here's a list of other subatomic particles we could start talking about as if they were important religious figures, and maybe take some of the heat off of poor little Higgs so maybe he'll come out of seclusion.
  • Hermes - Tachyons travel faster than light. Tere's been a lot of talk about neutrinos doing that lately, but let's refer back to "scientists shake their heads in sadness at your conclusions" argument.
  • The Zeus - Just the electron, but it sounds way cooler with a tiny lightning bolt and turning into a swan to bang women, right?
  • The Confucius - Intrinsically important, yet stable, thoughtful, and upstanding. The neutron. 
  • The Neitzsche - What we'll call the Higgs is it turns out it never existed.
  •  I propose we call fission "Mosesing."
Also, for the record, all particles are Muhammad particles because we can't show you what they look like. 

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