Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hoarding for Comedic Effect

I used to be a digital hoarder, but I've really reigned in my behavior over the past several years. I also used to make it impossible to throw away anything that was still useable or had sentimental value. I never damaged my toys as a child; most retained their original boxes. The problem just came down to space.

And yet I find I still hold on to certain items I may never use, if for no other reason than they would be so funny to be able to have at my disposal down the line.

Why do I have a plastic female mannequin torso? Because I have matching arms, cloth legs, and a Styrofoam head, and I'm just one Macy's lingerie department plastic pelvis away from being able to replicate those LSD-lased milk pouring statues from A Clockwork Orange.

Why do I still have my children's size bar-mitzvah bow tie? Because it gets used more often than you'd think.

Why do I keep my outdated and dusty globe? Because my Indiana Jones fedora needs something cool to perch on.

It's all there for the same reason I keep climbing robe, a utility belt, and a grappling hook in the trunk of my car, people. Because I'm Batman it's hilarious to be able to pull out when you need it.

Thank you, Baggin' Saggin' Barry.

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