Wednesday, October 20, 2010

In the Interest of Childhood Honesty

Surprised I thought I came up with this. 
The following questions I leave to you, dear reader, with the thought that if, by chance, you have children and if, by chance, you decide to tell them more than just the few childhood lies we were all entitled to believe for a time, they might turn and ask you one of the following. I also leave to you whether or not to be more honest with your children after that.

  • "How come it's okay for Jesus to have two daddies but Johnny down the street can't?"
  • "Why is doggy heaven separate from people heaven?"

  • "What's God so sad about that he cries and makes it rain?"
  • "Why's Santa magic but Jesus isn't?"
  • "Well, then where the hell do baby storks come from?"

Jesus, do we really not lie to kids about anything but religion and sex? And what they hell is with the God crying/rain thing? I never got that, but I got "thunder is angel's bowling." Do we really have to try and explain every question we don't want to answer to a child with religion?

I swear to Brahma, if I have kids I'm just going to fall back on "It's really complicated and even many adults don't understand it, but if you really want one day you can learn all about it and be one of the special people who do.

"Or? You could totally check Wikipedia."

Oh man, my kids are going to screwed up in completely new and interesting ways. But at least your kids are gonna make their lives miserable through high school, but at least my kids will become insightful and successful and put me in a better nursing home.

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