Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Even the Developmentally Challenged Can Be Assholes

Chris Burke was the man.
Very much
not an asshole.
Being in the middle of the bell curve doesn't give you a monopoly on being a jerk.

When I was in middle school I was in all the "smart classes." Even for shop. Which is weird because you'd figure shop class is where all the nerds can't use their hands for crap, then they get their first C and they try to kill themselves with a flare gun they stash in their locker like Anthony Michael Hall back before he was cool and a psychic.

Anyway, this was the kind of shop class where you build Popsicle bridges to learn proper drafting techniques and make rocket-powered cars for little eggs. And since we were so advanced, we must have been kind, because nerds never attack each other over who was a better Starfleet Captain or anything.

::cough:: Han Solo killed them all ::cough::

So they paired us up with the Special Ed kids, and everybody was really cool about it and got along well with their partners. Except me, because I got the king jackass of the kids it's not cool to make fun of. He was a jerk! Always sneering and taking no interest in the project, calling me stupid and gay. I already had a bullying problem, how was I supposed to confront that?

"You're stupid."
"Yeah? Well you sit at a desk with padded corners."

That shit's not cool. I couldn't say that. So I just took abuse from this scrawny white kid who was a little slow and whose life's ambition was to grow up to be a famous rap star. Fuck me and my side of the bridge, this kid had plans.

And that white kid grew up to be Lil Wayne, so there's your moral.

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