Alternate Names for My Penis

Friends, if your designated hook-up source really demands to name your Johnson (and “Johnson” isn't actually acceptable) go ahead and try to guide her towards one of these awesome names:

• Doc Johnson [at least try]
• Doc Savage
• The Iron Shiek
• The Groan Ranger
• Tiny (only if everyone you know is very ironic)
• Conan the Barbarian
• Mighty Thor
• [or alternatively if you are Thor] Mjolnir, Hammer of the Gods
• Excalibur
• Bruce Willis [because he's just awesome]
• “American Idol” William Hung
• your Boomstick
• Vlad the Impaler
• The Beast [or simply Beast; X-Men reference for you/Disney “Beauty and…” reference for her]
• Dick/Richard [only if you name your testicles Tom and Harry]
• J. Edgar Pooner
• Twilight [say what you want, but until she starts covering your junk in body glitter this idea is totally worth it]
• Marty McFly
• Mega Man
• Invade-Her Zim
• Chewbacca HHHUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRHHHHLLLLL!!!
• Arnold Shvantz-enegger
• Cobra Commander
• Mmnnphuh! [because that's what it sounds like your saying when your mouth is full]
• Johnny Rico
• Rihanna (because if you were Chris Brown you'd be beating it all night long)
• THE PHANTASM^®
• Mr. Fantastic
  

Please note while not all of these names are intrinsically dirty, they are all in fact some way hilarious and awesome, so if you don't see that you're missing something and all of your friends are laughing at your ignorance.