Saturday, November 28, 2009

On Digit Dexterity

I was looking at a pinball machine next to a touch- screen + thumbstick device and it got me thinking. There's a pretty straight-forward transition: knob to button to stick to insanely complicated device with rumble feature and more actions locations than you can reach. (Radio, pinball, Atari, XBox/Playstation.)

I think it's safe to say that if you account for how much time guys actually spend playing with these last controllers, there has to be a pretty strong upturn in the skill and dexterity of men's breast-based foreplay ability. "Playing with your nipples like they're tuning a radio" isn't even an apt description of tuning a radio anymore. Better to start with a standard UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A SELECT, START Konami cheat code to get things off the ground, then play moving both thumbs in wavering arcs independent of each other while using your index and middle fingers to depress when appropriate, but remember to do so slowly and smoothly to avoid a jerking motion.

Speaking of a jerking motion, thank God the Atari nob went out of style. That's just painful. Hopefully they'll release Wii Super Milk Maid Butter Churn for Girls! soon.

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