Thursday, February 28, 2013

Disney's "Cars" Responsible for Untold Deaths (Possibly 0)


Goddam it, Cars, stop teaching our kids that it is safe to guzzle things like engine coolant, "mouth watering" motor oil, and antifreeze.1

Those kind of drinks are only for responsible mommy and daddy cars over 50,000 miles.






1 Incidentally, antifreeze used to be clear and used to be removed from cars seasonally before it was discovered to double as an agent to also raise the evaporation point of gasoline during warmer months. Originally it would be drained in Spring and left in mason jars in many garages. Understandably, this led to several deaths each Summer, as overheated mechanics and their acquaintances mistook these bottles for jars of
   To this end, scientists dyed antifreeze a terribly unappetizing neon-green color. They later petitioned Gatorade to change it's color to avoid a resurgence of confusion, to which Gatorade politely told the nerds to shove it. Antifreeze was then dyed an icy blue. Gatorade really, really hates scientists.

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