Tuesday, February 10, 2009

On Valentines

Every year (read: "last and this one") I take it upon myself to send Velentine's Day cards to various persons of interest in a friendly manner.

However, I do not fall into the trap of the greeting card companies. I have at no point ever had a significant other during any holiday of a B.S. gift-giving nature, and I tell myself this was a strategic move.

No, my friends, I now make my own Valentines to send out to my friends. Last year I worked several days to painstakingly replicate the cover of the Spider-Man issue in which Peter Parker and Mary Jane finally tie the knot, replacing their heads with those of my comic non-persona and his ineffable catgirl bride. I tirelessly found ways to force my printer to eject this image onto a cheap 4x6 photo placard, and then slapped a brief note and a stamp on the thing and called in a post-card. The US Postal Service was none the wiser. Hallmark has left me no threatening messages.

Really, if it's properly addressed and not hazardous, liquid, or fragile, you can mail pretty much anything. A nice dirty old shoe with a heart where the Nike logo used to be, with enough stamps, is a more original and personal V-Day greeting than Shoebox ["A Tiny Little Division of Hallmark®"] could ever conceive.

This year, I chose to take a heartfelt approach, one that would tell my friends just to what lengths I would go for them. The things I would do for these people, well you have no idea. So here's one:


Happy Valentine's Day, corporate tools.

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