Monday, July 13, 2009

Jury Duty: Day 1

Today I got up early, had McDonld's for breakfast, spent $3.25 at the parking meter and read the first 2 stories in James Joyce's Dubliners.

Got picked for jury pool in the last pre-lunch trial, which actually finished off the whole crowd. Apparently they called in everyone for the week today because the docket this week is CRAZY PACKED.

Up-side: this last trial was criminal rather than civil, which means they go through about 50-75 people to find 12 and 2 alternates, so my chances are much better for not getting picked.

So we get into the courtroom right before lunch and I pick out the bailiff, stenographer, clerk, two defense lawyers, the accused, two regular cops clearly guarding the defendant and one prosecutor.

The judge then came in, swore us in so we'll answer honestly about how O.K. we'd be as jurors and then dismissed us because something unforeseen and unavoidable prevented the trial from starting today. (I'm totally calling it being the first-chair prosecutor not showing up.) So now we all report back to the Juror's Lounge tomorrow at 9:30. This means I get to sleep and extra hour AND I'm free the rest of today, unlike people who were already tossed from one jury and thrown back into the pool to fill out the rest of the week's cases. Yes, folks, I get out of my civic duty because I was patient and because the Civil Servants had more pressing matters.

And they paid me $40 for it.

P.S. Of the two officers guarding the defendant, who looks like a complete gangbanger by the way (not judging just yet; presume innocence), one was a dude with a buzz cut about 28ish, total baconator with cheese, but the other beat-walker was a TOTALLY HOT BABE. We're talking a full-blown Betty with a side order of bodacious. Imagine the deputy from Eureka mixed with Mila Kunis in blue with a hip holster full of sexy. Best I can put it is she was quite possibly the most attractive person I have seen in person and been deathly afraid of. She could kick my ass in so many ways our tawdry love-making would be a kama-sutra of pain.

And I would totally enjoy it, too! I mean, come on, I carry handcuff keys in my pocket every day anyway, if this girl wanted to drag me downtown and put me through intense interrogation it could be the happiest day of my life.

Dear Insanely Hot Officer Ma'am,

Please guard that dude again tomorrow, or guard my heart for a lifetime.

Also, please wear a thong. kthanks.

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