Friday, July 23, 2010

"Internet Explorer Is Being Gay" - Web Browsers Personified AND Stereotyping People By Browser




















Image © Anji 2007



I heard someone today say, "Hold on, IE is being gay." Really? Are we still using "gay" as an insult? Why not "queer?" At least that's using the word for what it was intended. Every time I hear someone say, "That's gay," referring to anything other than legitimate homosexual acts, all I hear is "That's so non-heteronormative."

And then that just sounds retarded.


Web Browsers Personified:

IE - If anything, Microsoft's Internet Explorer is the straightest of web browsers. It's like the most herteronormative browser there is. Everybody uses it. Which leads me to:

Safari/Camino - Clearly the housewife's web browser. Want to surf the nets after you've vacuumed in heels but before the roast is ready? Then you clearly log in to your AOL account on that cute little iMac your husband bought you in a pretty pink to match your nails. You're really the worst thing about this gender disparity.

Firefox - Mozilla knows it's the hot young stud, the star quarterback. F.F. gets all the girls and he knows it, but he also gets a lot of the guys too, the skinny, nerdy ones who are ashamed to admit they've lusted after his multiple plug-ins and his years of experience with tabbed web pages. But The Fox doesn't care. He loves everyone.

Netscape - The creepy old uncle of web browsers. Does he even do anything? We don't really know. He just sits there saving all his junk mail to his hard drive forever. That and look at really old, HTML-based websites of questionably-aged children.

Opera - That faggy kid from theater class who reads the newspaper and carries a satchel.


Users Personified By Their Web Browser:

IE -
Anybody who only uses their computer for "pregaming" playlists and to writer term papers on Adderall.

Safari - Girls who were given a MacBook when they got into college

Camino - Girls who were given a MacBook when they got into college and spent the money their parents sent for an OS update on Bacardi Razz and plan B.

Firefox - Men who stream enough porn to understand how to maximally utilize plug-ins, tabbed windows and keyboard shortcuts.

Google Chrome - People who do not understand how to maximally utilize plug-ins, tabbed windows and keyboard shortcuts, and who are otherwise terrified of Firefox.

Netscape - Your anal retentive father who prefers his email download and store on his home machine and his mail server be utterly sanitized. Also, anyone on the show Hoarders.

Opera - That faggy kid from theater class who reads the newspaper and carries a satchel.

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