How To Get In Touch With Your Masculine Side: A Guide
- Eat at least one cute animal per meal. For bonus points, top it with cheese and maybe bacon.
- Punch yourself in the arm. Hard.
- Stop having any feelings other than rage, lust and material jealousy.
- Scratch yourself in public, preferably before or after farting.
- Bother absolutely no one for anything, thus entitling yourself to remain similarly unmolested.
- Limit your alcohol intake to domestic beer and whiskeys or otherwise bad-tasting liquor. If you enjoy drinking it you're not doing it right.