Tuesday, July 6, 2010

On Getting In Touch With Your Masculine Side

How To Get In Touch With Your Masculine Side: A Guide
  • Eat at least one cute animal per meal. For bonus points, top it with cheese and maybe bacon.
  • Punch yourself in the arm. Hard.
  • Stop having any feelings other than rage, lust and material jealousy.
  • Scratch yourself in public, preferably before or after farting.
  • Bother absolutely no one for anything, thus entitling yourself to remain similarly unmolested.
  • Limit your alcohol intake to domestic beer and whiskeys or otherwise bad-tasting liquor. If you enjoy drinking it you're not doing it right.
  • Nap.

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