Monday, July 19, 2010

Breaking News! 2

Nov. 23, 2009:

Stephen Hawking Amused for Hours By New Computer's Text-to-Speech Function

Tyra Banks Sees Self In Mirror, Starts Catfight

Local Teen's Sock Sues for Paternity

Starlet's Vapid Babble Causes Reporter's Head to, Like, LITERALLY Explode

Film Series About Gay Vampires Who Hate Adoption Weeds Out Bad Taste In Literature Through Natural Selection

Charlie Brown Adults Begin Debating Climate Shift, End As Smooth Jazz Combo

Sigmund Feud Released from Cryogenic Tube, Inexplicably Thinks of Sperm

AT&T Bans iPhone Sexting App, Plans to Reintegrate Later At Cost

Infertility Among Sex Workers Blamed On Low Stress Levels
"They just don't seem to bring their work home with them like the rest of us."

Hipster Rock Trio Gains Success, Immediately Disbands

Starbucks Invents New Holiday "Mochashanah" to Supplement Existing Seasonal Drink Specials

Hundreds of Ex-Lesbians Claim "Saved" by Close, Personal Relationship with Rosie O'Donnell

Movie Movie Released by One of the Guys Who Knew A Roommate of That Guy From That First Movie About Other Movie Movies, Grosses $600M Opening Weekend

Cobra Commander, Terror Drome Found to Have Gas Leak "Sssuddenly Ssserpentor ssshouted, sssmelling sssomething sssinister! Ssso we sssauntered to the Sssee-Dee-Sssee. Sssure as ssshooting, sssulphur dioxide…. Just glad we caught that in time, y'know? Turns out that stuff can have long-term speech effects."

New Pussycat Dolls Album Drops, Does Not Land On Feet

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