Thursday, July 14, 2011

Sperm Bank Advertises Surfing, 3D

What the hell am I looking at that this comes up as a recommended ad on facebook?

Oh, that's right, I unchecked that box and now I get the weirdest possible ads from the dregs of society.

So yes, I AM a poor, poor man, currently. And yes, I HAVE considered selling my genetics to a good vagina, but let's consider for a moment:

I am short, furry, predisposed to worrisomeness and smart-alec-cy, and frankly I'm pretty sedentary.

Additionally, I have some very unsettling thoughts about any children conceived with my junk accidentally intermingling with my own our other in vitro Zucker bloodlines. I don't want my kids winding up married and on "I Didn't Know We Were Related" shows. I don't need that kind of publicity.

And now I have to worry about what kind of person would be pulled in by this advert. Apparently, it would be someone who identifies as a "surfer," or at least enjoys surfing on the regs. He would appreciate too traditional Japanese and tribal tattooing, judging from the stylized waves. From the two-tone sunglasses I can infer that he also really really enjoys 3D movies, or is possibly a great fan of Warren Ellis' seminal (pun totally intended .35 seconds after I typed that) graphic novel series "Transmetroplitan."

Also, he would not be creeped out by giant, anthropomorphic spermatozoa, or walking into a building recognized as "the nation's largest sperm bank." That's a lot of little plastic cups, guys.

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