Friday, July 8, 2011

"Stand Up to Your Fear" (Also Modesty) on the Green Lantern Coaster at 6 Flags

A few friends of mine recently tried out the new "Green Lantern: Stand Up to Your Fear" stand-up coaster at 6 Flags amusement park. Reviews were … mixed. Perhaps I should explain.

About a year ago I went with another group of friends to the same 6 Flags and we all had a great time, except for one ride I was talked into going on as an "experience." Basically, "Rolling Thunder" is designed poorly. The safety features only work if you are over 5'10" and have at least a 38" waist. Otherwise, you get thrown side to side, front to back, and up and down within your seat, which requires that you have scoliosis and a 40" inseam. If you don't, well, you tend to land directly on your reproductive organs in between getting punched in the digestive tract.

Which raises the issue with Green Lantern: guys tend to hate it. Or at least they act like it's not-so-great, which for a roller coaster is probably worse then Rolling Thunder levels of 'so awful you need to try it.' Stand Up to Your Fear? It's a stand-up coaster with a platform (to stand on, duh) and an over-the-shoulders harness.

Also, to keep your legs from dangling, there's essentially one of these between them:

That would be a wooden torture horse. Traditionally, one is made to sit upon it, possibly weighted. Ironically, it was mostly used on women. I say "ironically" because on the Green Lantern coast, men would find this most discomforting as the device is for "safety" and not torture. Really, it just digs up into your balls a little bit and transfers ever twist and turn and horrible vibration directly into your indelicately cradled scrotum.

But apparently the ladies love it, so, there you go.

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