Half A Banana

"Hey, let me get half a banana?"

"Sure, no problem." *Proceeds to rip banana in half bare-handed*

Who does that? I mean, first, part of my banana is all squished in the center now. Accounting for any brown spots, I'm probably not eating more than 35% of the original banana. Wasteful. Secondly, who just rips a banana in half like it's nothing. It's not a phone book, but I'd expect the skin to stay intact and just maybe sort of ooze the pulpy meat out the cracks in the seems. How do you just pull a banana in half without damaging the entire fruit? Did you pre-slice relief cuts like a craftsman? Did you use your invisible eye lasers like a Kryptonian?

Either way, bro's got some serious passive aggressive fruit issues. What happened? Did mommy remarry a boysenberry? It's cool, dude. You don't have to call that berry your "father." Or "dad." "Greg" is just fine. But, damn it, you still have to respect him.