On Alcoholism

Is he an alcoholic for drinking good bourbon alone at home? Or just a connoisseur? Is he also addicted to taking baths? Pooping? Opening his mail?

He opens his mail every day, even if there's no one around! That's fucked up, bro. It's like he's dependent on it. I think- I think he might have mailaholism. I don't think he can even get out of bed in the morning without the smell of a clean envelope. Boy does it EVERY DAY.

- Me                                                    

And a quiet, dietarily bland diet Day-After-St.-Pat's to you all.